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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bart chart shows the percentage of people who ate five portions of fruits and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008.

The bart chart shows the percentage of people who ate five portions of fruits and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008.
The chart compares how many people ate vegetables and fruits by five servings every day in the percentages between 2001 and 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
,the
rate
Use synonyms
 of
vegetables
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetable
show examples
 and
fruits
Fix the agreement mistake
fruit
show examples
comsuption
Correct your spelling
consumption
 of all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
three types of groups increased.
However
Linking Words
, the children showed the lowest
rate
Use synonyms
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to men and women. As the bar chart shows, the women's
rate
Use synonyms
 in the starting point was around 23% in 2001, and it increased considerably to
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
exactly 35% in 2006
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
nevertheless
Add a comma
nevertheless,
show examples
 it experienced a moderate decrease to 30% in 2008. The percentage of men's
comsumtion
Correct your spelling
consumption
 started at about 17% in 2001 , and it grew significantly to approximately 27% in 2006.
However
Linking Words
, it experienced a slight decrease to around 26% in 2008, before witnessing a level of
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
about 28% between 2006 and 2007.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the
rate
Use synonyms
 of children began at around 13% in 2001 and it reached a peak
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 around 26 per cent in 2007. Despite
this
Linking Words
, it witnessed
slowly
Replace the word
a slow
show examples
 decline to about 24% in 2008.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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