IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows the uneployment rates in three countries (the UK, the rest of the Europe and Japan) between 1993 and 2007.

The line graph shows the uneployment rates in three countries (the UK, the rest of the Europe and Japan) between 1993 and 2007.
The chart compares how many jobless people were in three countries
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 UK, the rest of Europe and Japan
from
Punctuation problem
, from
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 1985 to 1990.
Overall
Linking Words
, the three regions experienced different trends
in
Change preposition
over
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 time
period
Check wording
apply
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
 the rate of unemployment in the United Kingdom and
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
 of Europe decreased, the joblessness in Japan increased slightly. As the graph shows, the
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unemployed people started at 11% in 1993 in the UK
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
Linking Words
, it experienced
downroad
Check wording
a downturn
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and decreased to about 6 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 2007. Regarding the remaining parts of Europe unemployment rate
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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started at 9 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 1993 .
Then
Linking Words
, the percentage of joblessness decreased to 8 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 2001 before witnessing a steady decline to 7% in 2007.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the unemployment rate in Japan started at 2 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 1993 and experienced
Correct article usage
a slightly
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slightly
Replace the word
slight
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 growth to about 3 per
cent
Use synonyms
 .
However
Linking Words
, it reached
t
Check wording
apply
show examples
5 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 2003 after increasing moderately and decreased to 3 per
cent
Use synonyms
 after a gradual decrease.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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