IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they have. Discuss both views.

The question of
promoting
Replace the word
promotion
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 has sparked a debate recently.
While
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 some argue that promotion can boost the economy, others believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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individuals are affected negatively by these kinds of
publicities
Use the right word
publicity
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,
Punctuation problem
.
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 I contend that the individual impact is more important, and we should consider
as
Correct pronoun usage
it as
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 a priority.
This
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 essay will consider both perspectives—
economical
Correct word choice
economic
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 and social —before concluding in favour of social issues. Supporters of the
economical
Correct word choice
economic
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 view maintain that, today in the technology area, we must take advantage of all the possible ways to increase our profits. And one of the best ways is the
product
Use synonyms
 or service promotion.
This
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 is primarily because the powerful software makes accessible all
the
Correct article usage
apply
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kinds of promotions in real time by most people. They can be informed
for
Change preposition
about
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 the services and good
promoted
Replace the word
promotions
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 in real time and very easily from their phone, tablet, television and radio. Many studies have shown that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people after
seeing
Wrong verb form
seen
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 these promotions have
the
Correct article usage
a
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 tendency to buy them.
For instance
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, a survey for the new brand vitamins showed that after
it’s
Verb problem
it was
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advertised
Punctuation problem
advertised,
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 the sales
were
Verb problem
apply
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increased
around
Change preposition
by around
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 60% compared to the sales without promoting
this
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product
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
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, from
this
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perspective
Add a comma
perspective,
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 we can understand the real impact of
advertisement
Replace the word
advertising
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in
Change preposition
on
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economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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.
By contrast
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, the social aspect is more persuasive because it is directly connected with the individual.
For instance
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, when you see an influencer with a perfect body shape, presenting some kind of collagen, that supposed she is been using for having
this
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 perfect shape ,
moreover
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 you listen the benefits that are mention there and even explained in a scientific way, you might feel uncomfortable with your body and tend to buy
this
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product
Use synonyms
 to have the same results.
Although
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 critics note that in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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most
cases
Punctuation problem
cases,
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 the individuals
after
Punctuation problem
, after
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 using long time without any effect, start to feel sad and disappointed.
Consequently
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, I favour that the marketing managers should be advised
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the negative
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
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in
Change preposition
on
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society before they promote a
product
Use synonyms
 or service. In summary,
although
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 promoting offers
economical
Correct word choice
economic
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 profits, the case for
specialised
Correct article usage
a specialised
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 and scientific view is stronger
due to
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 individual and social impact.
Accordingly
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, I recommend that all the advertisements should
been
Wrong verb form
be
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 approved by a group of qualified members prior to
publish
Wrong verb form
publishing
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 them
on
Change preposition
in
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 the media.

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task
Make your view clear in the first paragraph and stick to it in the rest of the essay.
content
The essay tries to discuss both sides.
evidence
It gives a real number example (60% rise) to back a point.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Consumer spending
  • Economic growth
  • Brand awareness
  • Market competition
  • Innovation
  • Employment opportunities
  • Tax revenues
  • Unrealistic expectations
  • Idealized lifestyle
  • Dissatisfaction
  • Harmful stereotypes
  • Manipulative tactics
  • Psychological impacts
  • Ethical standards
  • Responsible consumer behavior
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