IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show the class size of four states of Australia in 2014. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the class size of four states of Australia in 2014. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The following four pie charts demonstrate the percentage of different
class
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
size
Fix the agreement mistake
sizes
show examples
 in four states of
Australia
Use synonyms
 in 2014.The
class
Use synonyms
size
Use synonyms
include
Correct subject-verb agreement
includes
show examples
 four types
,
Punctuation problem
:
show examples
 20
students
Use synonyms
 or fewer, 21-25students, 26-30
students
Use synonyms
 and more than 30
students
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 the chart, in New South Wales and Western
Australia
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
class
Correct article usage
the class
show examples
included
Verb problem
scale of
show examples
 26-30
students
Use synonyms
 was the most common
class
Use synonyms
 scale, occupying 44% and 35% respectively. The second usual
class
Use synonyms
size
Use synonyms
 in Western
Australia
Use synonyms
 was 21-25
students
Use synonyms
, accounting for 32%
while
Linking Words
 in New South Wales it ranked
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
third,
Linking Words
accounting for25%.The proportion of 20
students
Use synonyms
 or fewer
Use synonyms
class
Check wording
apply
show examples
was quite similar, with 27% in New South Wales and 29% in Western
Australia
Use synonyms
. More than 30
Use synonyms
students
Check wording
students'
show examples
Use synonyms
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
 represented the
least
Correct word choice
smallest
show examples
 share of
class
Use synonyms
size
Use synonyms
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 both 4% in two states.
By contrast
Linking Words
, in
Australian
Correct article usage
the Australian
show examples
 Capital Territory and Southern
Australia
Use synonyms
,
Classes
Use synonyms
 included 21-25
students
Use synonyms
 represented the greatest share of
class
Use synonyms
size
Use synonyms
,
both
Correct word choice
and both
show examples
 accounted for almost half of
Use synonyms
class
Correct article usage
the class
show examples
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
. The percentage of
Use synonyms
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
included
Correct pronoun usage
that included
show examples
 26-30
students
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
also
Linking Words
quiet
Use the right word
quite
show examples
 the same in
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 states, with 35% in
Australian
Correct article usage
the Australian
show examples
 Capital Territory and 32% in
Southern
Replace the word
South
show examples
Australia
Use synonyms
.
Classes
Use synonyms
 included 20
students
Use synonyms
 or fewer represented 10% followed by
classes
Use synonyms
included
Correct pronoun usage
that included
show examples
 more than 30
students
Use synonyms
 represented 4% in
Australian
Correct article usage
the Australian
show examples
 Capital Territory. But in Southern
Australia
Use synonyms
, the data for two types of
classes
Use synonyms
 were 21% for 20
students
Use synonyms
 or fewer and 5% for more than 30
students
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words class, size, australia, students, classes with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "represented" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: