IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays many people complain that they have dificulties getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep cause? What can be done about lack of sleep?

There is no denying the fact that in recent
days
Punctuation problem
days,
show examples
 some people have lacked sleep.
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held belief that some humans have a hard to getting to sleep. There is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that opposes it
, in
Punctuation problem
. In
show examples
 my opinion, I consider that there are many reasons that lead to not taking enough naps.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, drinking coffee will always make your brain weaker.
In other words
Linking Words
, tea is a good drink for health, which does not contain caffeine.
In addition
Linking Words
,
traveling
Use the right word
travelling
show examples
 with friends is a great way to plan your sleep by sleeping early to discover a lot of places.
For example
Linking Words
, I
traveled
Use the right word
travelled
show examples
 with my family
last
Linking Words
 month,
while
Linking Words
 my sleep was interrupted, but I fixed it in the hotel. Another point to consider, the company has a very large number of employees who
work
Use synonyms
 in different shifts,
due to
Linking Words
 a lack of sleep. It is possible to say that the shift schedule is a perfect thing for gaining a lot of money
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
otherwise
Linking Words
, it is a bad thing for the rest.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if you have more time to
sleep
Punctuation problem
sleep,
show examples
 you will
work
Use synonyms
 more productively for the job.
For instance
Linking Words
, my uncle slept very early and weak up in the morning to do some
work
Use synonyms
 without any stress
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 helped him to get more energy. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that there are many reasons why people can not sleep well because they have a lot of issues
such
Linking Words
 as family,
work
Use synonyms
, and relationships.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Plan first. Put two clear parts: 1) what problems sleep can bring, 2) what can help. Use a short intro and a short end.
coherence
Make each paragraph hold one idea. Use sign words like first, next, also, but, for example to link ideas.
content
Stick to the topic. Do not add ideas that do not fit, like tea or trips, unless they help sleep.
grammar
Check spelling and form. Use simple, common words like sleep, lack, sleepiness, tired. Use 'sleep' and 'lack of sleep' correct.
idea
The essay tries to talk about lack of sleep.
example
There are real life examples from the writer.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sleep deprivation
  • Cognitive function
  • Circadian rhythm
  • Sleep hygiene
  • Insomnia
  • REM sleep
  • Melatonin
  • Obstructive sleep apnea
  • Sleep disorders
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Chronotype
  • Mindfulness meditation
  • Sleep cycle
  • Blue light exposure
  • Sleep-inducing environment
  • Sleep therapy
  • Professional intervention
  • Stress management techniques
  • Biological clock
  • Sleep quality
What to do next:
Look at other essays: