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Band 6.5

the bar chart shows the percentage of adults who were overweight or obese from 1965 t0 2015.the pie chary shows the propotion of adults who were overweight ,obese or sevely obese in 2015.

the bar chart shows the percentage of adults who were overweight or obese from 1965 t0 2015.the pie chary shows the propotion of adults who were overweight ,obese or sevely obese in 2015.
The bar
chart
Use synonyms
 illustrates the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
adults
Use synonyms
 who were overweight or obese during
5
Correct article usage
the 5
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decades before 2015 in one country.
However
Linking Words
, we can observe that, in the pie
chart
Use synonyms
the
Punctuation problem
, the
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 different weight range of
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
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 was reported in 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, the bar
chart
Use synonyms
 reveals the upward trend in the
population
Use synonyms
 of
adults
Use synonyms
 who were overweight or obese during those 50 years
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the pie
chart
Use synonyms
 depicts
the
Correct word choice
that the
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 obese
adults
Use synonyms
 were the largest
groups
Fix the agreement mistake
group
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 in comparison with other
adults
Use synonyms
 in 2015
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 obesity was very common. From 1965 to 1985, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
adults
Use synonyms
 who were obese or overweight was approximately equal
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they were less than 50%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, in the second 20 years we can see a notable growth in the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
adults
Use synonyms
 who were obese or overweight and reached
to
Change preposition
apply
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70%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, their
percentage
Use synonyms
 rose slowly in the
last
Linking Words
 10 years. The pie
chart
Use synonyms
 indicates that the most adult
population
Use synonyms
 was obese in 2015
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 was more than a third of
them
Use the right word
the
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.
Check wording
population.
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 The
adults
Use synonyms
 who
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 overweight were recorded in the second place by about 31%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, only a small proportion of the
adults
Use synonyms
 were severely obese
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 their
percentage
Use synonyms
 was
about
Rephrase
apply
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less than 10%.
While
Linking Words
 underweight and healthy
adults
Use synonyms
 represented nearly a quarter of the adult
population
Use synonyms
 All in all,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 obesity increased among
adults
Use synonyms
 from 1965 to 2015.
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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2015
Punctuation problem
2015,
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 more than half of the fully-grown
population
Use synonyms
 were obese or overweight.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, percentage, adults, population with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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