IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

In many countries, more and more men are staying at home to look after their children when women work full-time. What are the reasons? Is it a positive or negative development?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Nowdays
Use the right word
Nowadays
show examples
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 several
countries
Punctuation problem
countries,
show examples
mans
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 stay at
home
Use synonyms
 to take care of
children
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
Use synonyms
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 go to
work
Use synonyms
. Why
woman
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
her
Correct word choice
while her
show examples
 husband
stay
Correct subject-verb agreement
stays
show examples
 at
home
Use synonyms
 and
didn'
Wrong verb form
doesn't
show examples
t
Use synonyms
 go to
work
Use synonyms
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 Actually, we want to know if it's a positive or negative
Use synonyms
development
Punctuation problem
development,
show examples
then
Linking Words
 I will put my own perception of the
development
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
, the
woman
Use synonyms
 can do the
work
Use synonyms
 and
act
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
as
show examples
 the
family
Check wording
family's
show examples
 wild
man
Punctuation problem
man,
show examples
 stay and take care of
Use synonyms
children
Correct article usage
the children
show examples
. For real
one
Punctuation problem
, one
show examples
 who should go and
work
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 man
woman
Use synonyms
 can'
t
Use synonyms
 take
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
responsible
Replace the word
responsibility
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
Use synonyms
act
Correct article usage
an act
show examples
. Why
men
Verb problem
do men
show examples
 stay at
home
Use synonyms
? Maybe because there are no
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
, or did they complete
him
Correct pronoun usage
his
show examples
 education.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
Linking Words
, he should
work
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 the physical structure of the
woman
Use synonyms
 is weaker than man. Her
hormone
Fix the agreement mistake
hormones
show examples
not
Verb problem
are not
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 every day. Maybe she is
tired
Punctuation problem
tired,
show examples
 he should
work
Use synonyms
 to
act
Use synonyms
 on the family
not
Punctuation problem
, not
show examples
 all of
act
Use synonyms
 on
Use synonyms
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
. He can let him live at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
home
Use synonyms
 to look after their
children
Use synonyms
when
Correct word choice
while
show examples
 he
Use synonyms
work
Correct subject-verb agreement
works
show examples
It's
Punctuation problem
. It's
show examples
more
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
easier
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
Use synonyms
woman
Correct article usage
a woman
show examples
. To take a lot of time for herself
not
Punctuation problem
, not
show examples
 all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
day at
work
Use synonyms
when
Punctuation problem
, when
show examples
 she
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
show examples
come
Punctuation problem
come,
show examples
 she can'
t
Use synonyms
 sit with her
children
Use synonyms
. Because she is not in a good mood after
work
Use synonyms
 pressure.
However
Linking Words
,
physical
Correct article usage
the physical
show examples
 structure of men more
strong
Replace the word
stronger
show examples
 than women
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can carry
work
Use synonyms
 pressure.
Conclusion
In conclusion, my own perception of
this
Linking Words
development
Use synonyms
,
it's
Use the right word
it is
show examples
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
Use synonyms
development
Punctuation problem
development,
show examples
 didn'
t
Use synonyms
 stay at
home
Use synonyms
. The
woman
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
act
Correct subject-verb agreement
acts
show examples
 on the family.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Check grammar and use the right form of words. For example, 'men', 'women', 'Nowadays', and 'have' with plural. Be careful with 'man' and 'woman' in a sentence.
structure
Make a plan with four parts: intro, 2 body parts, and a short conclusion. It helps show your idea clearly.
task response
Give one or two good reasons and add an example from life to back them up.
coherence
Use simple link words to join ideas, like also, but, for example, and then.
content
You try to name the topic and give your view.
structure
You finish with a small end that shows your view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: