IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

‏Some people say that large companies should provide sports and social facilities for local communities. ‏To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

There are some
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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Correct pronoun usage
who that
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that argue
Correct word order
argue that
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 known firms are responsible
to build
Change preposition
for building
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sports
Use synonyms
centre
Fix the agreement mistake
centres
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 and leisure infrastructures for the citizens. I believe that these contributions not only
benefits
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefit
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 the
community
Use synonyms
, but
also
Linking Words
 the company in the long run. To start with, providing
sports
Use synonyms
 and social facilities is
aa
Use the right word
a
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 way to
demonstrates
Wrong verb form
demonstrate
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 social responsibility. Local
community
Use synonyms
 supply businesses with both their workforce and their customers. By
fuding
Correct your spelling
funding
 gyms, parks, or
community
Use synonyms
 centres, companies can improve public health and strengthen social bonds.
For instance
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
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 Japan, major corporations sponsor
community
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
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, which encourage
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 to adopt healthier lifestyles. These initiatives show that companies recognise the contributions of the
community
Use synonyms
 to their success. Apart from that, investment in local
fcailities
Correct your spelling
facilities
 can directly benefit companies by improving their reputation and the productivity of the employees. When residents see businesses making efforts to support their well-being, they tend to view them more positively, which can lead to greater customer loyalty.
In addition
Linking Words
, healthier and more active communities produce healthier workers. A company that builds a
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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 centre near their offices,
for example
Linking Words
, not only supports the company but
also
Linking Words
 encourages its employees to exercise regularly, increasing efficiency and reducing absenteeism.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
strongly believe that large corporations should contribute to the development of
sports
Use synonyms
 and social facilities in their local communities. Doing so
fulfills
Use the right word
fulfils
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 their responsibility to give back, improves public health, and ultimately
strengthen
Correct subject-verb agreement
strengthens
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 their long-term success.

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tip
Make the view clear in the first paragraph. State the main idea in one simple sentence.
improvement
Add 1 or 2 strong reasons with enough detail to back your view.
language
Fix spelling and grammar to avoid slips that make sense hard. Check 'i', 'aa', 'fcailities'.
structure
Keep one idea in each paragraph. Start with a small topic sentence, then give proof.
idea
The writer has a clear view that big firms can help the local area.
structure
Conclusion restates the view.
cohesion
Some linking words are used well, like 'apart from that' and 'in addition'.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR)
  • public health
  • employee satisfaction
  • community engagement
  • brand image
  • loyal customer base
  • financial burden
  • recreational needs
  • community investment
  • voluntary contributions
What to do next:
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