IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that childcare centers provide the best services for children of pre-school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better careers for their kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion ?

In recent years, mothers started working as fathers do,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 would leave
children
Use synonyms
 at home alone.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
Some
Fix capitalization
some
show examples
 people believe that
childcare
Use synonyms
 is the best option for busy
parents
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that family
members
Use synonyms
 are more
trust worthy
Use the right word
trustworthy
show examples
 to leave their
kids
Use synonyms
 with.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
both
Use synonyms
 perspectives before presenting my own opinion. Supporters of the first view argue that
childcare
Use synonyms
 for pre-schoolers is better.
This
Linking Words
 is because
childcare
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 usually more fun for
kids
Use synonyms
 and provides
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 social environment by making friends, which can lead to encouraging the
kid's
Check wording
kids'
show examples
 character building and
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
making
Wrong verb form
them make
show examples
 new friends.
For example
Linking Words
, if two unrelated
kids
Use synonyms
 go to the same
childcare
Use synonyms
 every weekday, they will eventually start socialising and possibly become friends. From
this
Linking Words
 perspective,
childcare
Use synonyms
 is the best option for working
parents
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, opponents believe that only family
members
Use synonyms
 like aunts, uncles and grandparents should take care of the
parents
Use synonyms
'
children
Use synonyms
. They claim that family
members
Use synonyms
 are far more
trust worthy
Use the right word
trustworthy
show examples
 and they are more effective in parenting than
childcare
Use synonyms
, which results in a safer experience for the child,
aswell
Correct your spelling
as well
 as providing better parenting.
For instance
Linking Words
, grandparents would not let
children
Use synonyms
 eat too much candy or let them do dangerous
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, close family
members
Use synonyms
 are the safer option. I believe that working
parents
Use synonyms
 could put
both
Use synonyms
 of these views to good use by taking turns so that the
kids
Use synonyms
 would go to
both
Use synonyms
 places, because
both
Use synonyms
childcare
Use synonyms
 and close family
members
Use synonyms
 provide unique benefits. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
both
Use synonyms
 opinions are good options, I maintain that equity between the two places is the best approach for the
children
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Explain both sides with clear eyes and add more real examples. Use more linking words to show order and compare ideas.
coherence cohesion
Group ideas in clean para. Start each para with a topic sentence. Use small join words like 'also', 'however', 'for example' to guide reader.
task response
The essay tries to cover both views and gives your own view in the end.
coherence cohesion
There are clear signs of contrast and comparison in the body.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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