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Band 4.5

In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes. What are the reasons for this ? is this a postive or a negetive development ?

In recent years, there has been an increasing number of individuals hiring private coaches
instead
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 of
taking
Verb problem
apply
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participating in sports or signing
for
Change preposition
up for
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 classes.
This
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 essay will examine the key factors contributing to
this
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 trend and give my opinion that I believe it is largely a positive development.
Firstly
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, for the main reason, personal trainers can make tailored plans for both
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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 diet and rational exercises out of their clients' personal circumstances.
Thus
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, in turn, to a large extent, it hinders unexpected dangers stemming from unfamiliar sporting postures and shortages in expertise.
However
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, exercising alone is more likely to cause
such
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 pains.
For example
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, when those freshmen go to the gym
at
Change preposition
for
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first
Correct article usage
the first
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 time, it is heavy for them to carry equipment
such
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 as dumbbells,
as a result
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, as soon as they move
them
Punctuation problem
them,
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 they will easily get hurt.
In addition
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, inviting professional coaches to guide in one-to-one methods will extremely facilitate the efficiency in losing weight or keeping fit, empowering those exercisers with
the
Correct article usage
a
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 sense of inferiority to gain confidence.
However
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, the drawbacks of
this
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 approach are substantial and cannot be overlooked.
For instance
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, it will cost considerable expenditure, which cannot be afforded by all individuals.
Moreover
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, if more and more people choose to hire individual trainers, there will be a shrinkage population of those who took gym classes before. In
this
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 way, it poses significant challenges for amounts of institutions as they will
broke
Wrong verb form
break
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 up.
Finally
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, those ordinary people with inadequate financial
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
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 may lose opportunities to exercise. In conclusion,
while
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this
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 development is detrimental to some individuals, it is advocated that civilians
emphasize
Use the right word
emphasise
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 the importance of sporting habits and set high standards for themselves.
Thus
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, if people have sufficient funds, I firmly believe that the former way is healthier and more efficient.

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plan
Make a clear plan at the start: say your view, then give reasons, then end with a short line.
word
Use simple words and short lines. Check that you use the right word for the idea.
example
Add more small, real examples to show each idea.
grammar
Check big grammar mistakes and fix long or hard sentences.
structure
The essay has a clear plan with an intro, body, and end.
content
It shows both good and bad sides of the topic.
position
The writer gives a clear view that the change could be good.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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