IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extend do the advantages of having an ageing population outweight the disadvantages?

There is an increasing debate on the
problems
Use synonyms
 and the benefits of
ageing
Correct article usage
an ageing
show examples
 population because
people
Use synonyms
 are living now longer than before.
While
Linking Words
ageing
Correct article usage
an ageing
show examples
 population have more experience and can help young adults,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 firmly believe that the
problems
Use synonyms
 elders
face
Use synonyms
 can
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 by far the advantages. Most elders
face
Use synonyms
problems
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as loneliness and
economicall
Correct your spelling
economic
 issues.
This
Linking Words
 is because not only have they bought smaller houses, but their family have other responsibilities
such
Linking Words
 as
work
Use synonyms
, so they cannot spend time during the week
making
Punctuation problem
, making
show examples
 them feel alone. At the same time, the savings they have made from their
work
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 sometimes not enough for their needs.
For instance
Linking Words
, some adults are sent to
retirment
Correct your spelling
retirement
 houses
whith
Correct your spelling
with
 other
people
Use synonyms
 of the same age
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, they are not regularly visited at these facilities
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 all their money is spent here.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some advantages like taking care of their
grand children
Use the right word
grandchildren
show examples
 or giving emotional support to younger
people
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 to be taken into account.
Firstly
Linking Words
, Grandparents do not
work
Use synonyms
, so they can help
o
Change preposition
apply
show examples
take care of their grandchildren when their parents are
bussy
Use the right word
busy
show examples
 at
work
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, they can help with advice to their relatives when they
face
Use synonyms
 emotional drawbacks in their
work
Use synonyms
 or with their
wifes
Correct your spelling
wives
 or husbands, giving them strategies to improve. For
expample
Correct your spelling
example
, advice on how to improve their relationship with their children can be given by them, ever since they have already been parents as well. In conclusion, it is undeniable that old
people
Use synonyms
 have gained experience
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 all the things that they have lived. But, the
problems
Use synonyms
 they
face
Use synonyms
 economically are way more serious than the benefits they
face
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Plan your answer. Start with a short plan that many lines say what you want to say. Then write two sides clearly and end with your view.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph have one main idea. Do not mix ideas. Begin with a short line (topic sentence) and then add a weak or strong point.
coherence and cohesion
Use links to guide the reader. Words like first, also, but, however, so, and finally help the flow.
language
Check spell and grammar. Use simple, short sentences. Fix big gaps in meaning.
content
The essay shows some real ideas about both sides.
content
The writer has a clear view that there can be bad parts in old age.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • financial strain
  • pension costs
  • healthcare costs
  • shrinking workforce
  • economic productivity
  • volunteer work
  • family bonds
  • economic growth
  • life experiences
What to do next:
Look at other essays: