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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities (for example, helping at home or at work). Others believe that, outside of school, children should be free to enjoy their lives. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In the modern
eon
Check wording
era
show examples
,
responsibilities
Use synonyms
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
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 to develop
a
Correct article usage
apply
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discipline in
children
Use synonyms
. Most of the people argue that
Correct article usage
the youngesters
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youngesters
Correct your spelling
youngest
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 all age
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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 should do extra
work
Use synonyms
 at home
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
houskeeping
Correct your spelling
housekeeping
, after
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school.
While
Linking Words
 others
ought
Verb problem
think
show examples
 that they should enjoy their outside spare time. I will give my viewpoint and discuss both views
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in the upcoming paragraphs. On the one hand, juveniles of all ages should handle some
responsibilities
Use synonyms
 at home like household chores, gardening
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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so
Rephrase
apply
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many more things, which help
children
Use synonyms
 to develop
work
Use synonyms
 ethics and
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
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 of responsibility.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 can teach their kids to live in discipline and
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 in a creative way.
For example
Linking Words
, some poor
families
Check wording
families'
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children
Use synonyms
, who
Verb problem
do have
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have not
Correct word order
not have
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 enough money, that
children
Use synonyms
 will always
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 with
Use synonyms
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
 after
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
schoold
Correct your spelling
school
, people
Punctuation problem
. People
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 can observe that youngsters are more
physicllt
Correct your spelling
physically
 and mentally strong
as well
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and
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 these
children
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 can never
scare
Wrong verb form
be scared
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
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 struggle. That's why
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
responsibilities
Use synonyms
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 to develop mentally and physically strong.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, childhood will never come back. So, teenagers should enjoy their
life
Use synonyms
 outside the school, if
parents
Use synonyms
 give responsibility to them regarding the
house keeping
Use the right word
housekeeping
show examples
 and many more things,
then
Linking Words
 might be kids will suffer from
physcological
Correct your spelling
psychological
 disease because they are not
enough strong
Correct word order
strong enough
show examples
from
Change preposition
apply
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mentally conditions.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, sports are
crucial
Correct article usage
a crucial
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 part of
Use synonyms
children
Check wording
children's
show examples
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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, when
children
Use synonyms
 play games, they are always over the moon.
This
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 is the main reason, youngsters should enjoy their
life
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
outside
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school. In the conclusion, I am going partially with the above statement. I think that
parents
Use synonyms
 should guide their
children
Use synonyms
 to make a balance between
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsibility and enjoyment. They should enjoy their
life
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 they
also
Linking Words
 need to handle extra
responsibilities
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Task response: You discuss both views and give your own. Make your view clearer in the intro and end with a strong, clear final statement. Add more solid examples to back points.
structure
Coherence and cohesion: Use clear topic sentences. Make each paragraph hold one main idea. Use simple linking words like also, but, however, therefore to guide the reader.
language
Grammar and word use: fix common spellings and grammar. Use simple, correct words. Watch for singular/plural and verb form. Read aloud to catch mistakes.
content
Good effort to cover both views and to give your own view.
structure
There is a clear introduction and a conclusion.
content
Some examples are used to back a point.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • extra responsibilities
  • develop skills
  • life lessons
  • work ethic
  • sense of responsibility
  • contribute to
  • family
  • community
  • playtime
  • physical development
  • mental development
  • balance
  • enjoyment
  • guide
  • childhood
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