Shopping is the favorite pastime for most young people. Why do you think is that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities?

In recent years, shopping has become a
favorite
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favourite
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hobby among people , especially youngsters. Several reasons
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such
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, such
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as
,
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apply
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social media, fashion trends and online
websites
Punctuation problem
websites,
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are influencing them to
buying
Wrong verb form
buy
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frequently. In my opinion,
adolsences
Correct your spelling
adolescents
should be motivated to do other meaningful activities
such
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as playing sports or spending time with nature.
Although
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advancements in technology have made life easier than before,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
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also have
Correct word order
have also
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presented several challenges. And one of them is online shopping. No doubt digital shopping offers several benefits, but it
also
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provides
a
Correct article usage
apply
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access to those products that
really
Verb problem
are really
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not even needed. Easy accessibility
,
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apply
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encourages youngsters to buy frequently from online stores, without
considering
Verb problem
thinking
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twice
Punctuation problem
twice,
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as
it
Verb problem
it's
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just a click away.
Moreover
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, adults
usally
Correct your spelling
usually
choose their ideals from movies or
theaters
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theatres
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,
who
Fix the agreement mistake
which
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are
soponsered
Correct your spelling
sponsored
by the luxury brands. To follow their role model, they
also
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try to buy
such
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expensive items without even considering their budgets, putting
unnecessary
Correct article usage
an unnecessary
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financial burden.
While
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buying new products can reduce stress
for
Change preposition
in
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Correct article usage
the short-term
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short-term
Use the right word
short term
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,
again and again
Rephrase
repeatedly
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purchasing can
also
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lead to addiction, which has
detrimental
Correct article usage
a detrimental
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effect on mental well-being. To overcome
this
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issue, parents should encourage their children to avoid buying and playing sports,
as a result
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,
this
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would not only increase physical strength but
also
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improve mental agility.
Moreover
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, governments should
also
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promote awareness about shopaholic addictions and invest in public infrastructure. As it would push individuals to do other outdoor activities and reduce social media impacts. In my opinion,
although
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technology has made shopping easier, it
also
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lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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frequent
Change preposition
to frequent
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buying by providing access to unnecessary products.
Acessibillity
Correct your spelling
Accessibility
and
follwing
Correct your spelling
following
movie stars are
the
Correct article usage
apply
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one of the main reasons behind
this
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pressing issue. A combined effort from parents and governments can encourage adults to do other activities
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such
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, such
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as sports.

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structure
Plan your answer. Start with a short view on the topic, then give reasons, and finish with a small conclusion.
coherence
Use simple joins like 'and', 'but', 'so', 'because' to link ideas. Make each idea flow to the next.
language
Fix common spelling errors and make basic grammar clear. Use short, clear sentences.
content
The idea is clear: shopping is talked about as a main habit and a need to do other things.
content
Some reasons are given for why shopping is common, and some talk of the role of tech.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pastime
  • encouraged
  • useful activities
  • self-expression
  • creativity
  • sense of accomplishment
  • satisfaction
  • social interaction
  • bonding
  • escaping
  • daily routine
  • stress
  • instant gratification
  • pleasure
  • keeping up
  • trends
  • fashion
  • exploring
  • products
  • experiences
  • boosting
  • self-confidence
  • supporting
  • local businesses
  • economy
  • discovering
  • personal style
  • preferences
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