IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on boht individual and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is often said that social networking sites(
SNS
Use synonyms
) affect
negatively
Correct word order
apply
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both
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 and
society
Use synonyms
.
Correct word order
negatively.
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 I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, for
society
Use synonyms
,
SNS
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 will break
local
Correct article usage
the local
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 community, causing
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
communication
Use synonyms
. As
SNS
Use synonyms
 is being developed,
people
Use synonyms
 are becoming more
concentrating
Replace the word
concentrated
show examples
 on online
communication
Use synonyms
,
instead
Linking Words
 of in-person
communication
Use synonyms
 with local residents.
This
Linking Words
 situation will break a system of helping each other among local residents when a disaster,
such
Linking Words
 as
earthquake
Correct article usage
an earthquake
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 or
flood
Correct article usage
a flood
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, happens.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, for
individuals
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 cannot concentrate on their real
expecience
Correct your spelling
experience
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
SNS
Use synonyms
. Since the beautiful and
attracting
Replace the word
attractive
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 pictures are essential in
SNS
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, users tend to focus on how to take a good picture without caring
their
Change preposition
about their
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 real experience.
For example
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, in some music concerts, many guests were looking at famous artists through their smartphone's camera,
although
Linking Words
 they
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 in front of them. Of course, some
people
Use synonyms
 might think that
SNS
Use synonyms
 has a benefit in that
people
Use synonyms
 can make friends who live in foreign countries
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it is not easy to meet.
However
Linking Words
,
in-person
Correct article usage
the in-person
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 way of
communication
Use synonyms
 is more valuable. It can affect positively both
individuals
Use synonyms
 and
society
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, for
individuals
Use synonyms
, chatting with friends will alleviate their stress. For
society
Use synonyms
, if real
communication
Use synonyms
 among local
people
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 done frequently, the number of residents who die alone will decrease since
neighbors
Use the right word
neighbours
show examples
 can easily
get
Verb problem
become
show examples
 aware of something unexpected happening. In conclusion,
SNS
Use synonyms
 has negative effects for both
society
Use synonyms
 and
individuals
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 in that it reduces local
communication
Use synonyms
 and makes
individuals
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 not
concnetrating
Correct your spelling
concentrate
 on their real experience, respectively.

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Task response
Make your view clear from the first line and restate it in the end.
Coherence
Develop each idea with more detail and avoid general points.
Language
Check grammar and sentence form so ideas are easy to follow.
Vocabulary
Use only simple, common words and keep phrases short to fit easy words.
Task response
Clear position is stated at the start.
Coherence
Transitions help show the flow of ideas.
Examples
An example is given to back a point.
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