IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.

It is believed that healthy
food
Use synonyms
 leads to
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 life. Many kinds of
food
Use synonyms
 or drink have a lot of
sugar
Use synonyms
 ,
that
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 many
people
Use synonyms
 think
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is the main reason for diseases.
In addition
Linking Words
, the government have to prevent buying sugary
products
Use synonyms
 by
raise
Wrong verb form
raising
show examples
 the price of them. In my
oppinion
Correct your spelling
opinion
, I
dissagree
Correct your spelling
disagree
 with
this
Linking Words
 state because it is personal freedom and eating
sugar
Use synonyms
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 the person feel happy. First and foremost, many
people
Use synonyms
 consume sugary
food
Use synonyms
 because they prefer
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 means that the cake and cup of tea are not
delicios
Correct your spelling
delicious
 without
sugar
Use synonyms
 .
Moreover
Linking Words
, having sugary
products
Use synonyms
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 a person happy more than another kind of
food
Use synonyms
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 the cake is
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
food
Use synonyms
offer
Replace the word
offered
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the
birthdays
Fix the agreement mistake
birthday
show examples
 party .
For example
Linking Words
, statistics in the U K
center
Use the right word
centre
show examples
 in 2020 show that the
consume
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
 of sweet
food
Use synonyms
 is rais
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
seleprity
Correct your spelling
special
 days .
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 have
deseases
Correct your spelling
diseases
 related to
rais
Check wording
the rise
show examples
 of
sugar
Use synonyms
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 in
blood
Correct article usage
the blood
show examples
, so they can't have
sugar
Use synonyms
 in their meals .
In other words
Linking Words
 ,
suger
Correct your spelling
sugar
 causes many problem of health so they
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 replace
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
 with natural
resorces
Correct your spelling
resources
such
Linking Words
 as fruits .
For instance
Linking Words
, many
ocompanies
Correct your spelling
companies
, like Coca Cola
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
make
tow
Use the right word
two
show examples
 kinds of
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
products
Use synonyms
one
Punctuation problem
, one
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
suger
Correct your spelling
sugar
 and the other sugarless. In
conclucin
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
people
Use synonyms
 think that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sugary
food
Use synonyms
 is not healthy and
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 health problems, but others can't get away from sugary
products
Use synonyms
 .
However
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
always should
Correct word order
should always
show examples
 take care of their health
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
, whereas
show examples
whereas
Change preposition
whether
show examples
like
Correct pronoun usage
they like
show examples
 or dislike
sugar
Use synonyms
.

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overall
Your answer does not fully answer the task. State a clear view in the intro and end with a short line that repeats your view.
structure
Use a plan. Put one big idea in each paragraph. Start with an intro, then 2 or 3 body parts, then a short end.
language
There are many grammar and spelling mistakes. Use short, simple sentences. Check the spelling of common words.
cohesion
Link ideas with easy words like and, but, so, because, first, next, also. Make sure each sentence connects to the one before.
task-aim
Give a clear example for each point. Explain how the idea shows your view and how it helps the task.
content
The writer shows a view on the sugar idea.
content
The essay tries to give reasons and real examples.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
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