IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many governments spending millions of dollars in space research and exploration. While others believe it is waste of .money Discuss both opinions and give your opinion.

In today's fast-paced world, individuals hold
a
Correct article usage
apply
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diverse opinions on a wide range of topics. The majority of the population believes that
countries's
Check wording
countries'
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 leaders should be investing more in
universe
Use the right word
university
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reasearch
Correct your spelling
research
.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 others argued that
its
Use the right word
it's
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 a waste of
money
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, government officials should be spending on other projects to improve public services. On one hand,
due to
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advancement
Correct article usage
the advancement
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 of technology
spending
Punctuation problem
, spending
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 millions of dollars in research programs is a fair choice. As
more
Correct word choice
better
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 the quality of technology would be good, more
great
Correct word choice
better
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results
Correct article usage
the results
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 we will get.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
flwould
Correct your spelling
would
 be a great opportunity to add updates in research books of space exploration to spark the interest of younger generations towards scientific experimentation with the attraction
pf
Use the right word
of
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 photographs in it.
For example
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, in many colleges
(
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,
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NASA
)
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apply
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 organisations host big conferences for youth to
grab
Verb problem
gain
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 their
intentions
Use the right word
attention
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 towards them, which eventually
,
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apply
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focus
Correct subject-verb agreement
focuses
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 on the growth of
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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 in different areas.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many citizens argued that
this
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
 could be spent
in
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on
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 improving other sectors of
nation
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the nation
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Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as human health.
As
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Like
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 many people in
the
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apply
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society, suffering
getting
Change preposition
from getting
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 good services from hospital staff,
thus
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, investing
money
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 in developing infrastructure, conditions and supplies. The chances of saving lives will be increased.
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Additionally
Add a comma
Additionally,
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 there are a
lots
Fix the agreement mistake
lot
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 of patients who lost their lives
due to
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lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of access
of
Change preposition
to
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 hospitals.
Thus
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, that
money
Use synonyms
 could be invested in improving the conditions of roads and building more infrastructure with
well educated
Use the right word
well-educated
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 staff. For evidence, more than half of the society cannot afford
large
Correct article usage
the large
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 fees of
hospitala
Correct your spelling
hospitals
.
Thus
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, can build more public
-
Punctuation problem
apply
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 healthcare services for them. To recapitulate, after examining both the views on whether it is right to pay large amounts on space programs. In my view, governors can invest
money
Use synonyms
 in other projects to improve the
overall
Linking Words
 quality and welfare
for
Change preposition
of
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public
Correct article usage
the public
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.

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Task Response
To improve task response, clearly state your view in the introduction and keep it clear through the whole essay. Add more reason and concrete examples for each point.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, use clear topic sentences for each paragraph, link ideas with simple words (and, but, however, therefore), and check spelling and grammar to keep the meaning easy to follow.
Balance of view
The writer tries to show both sides and give a view.
Use of examples
Some actual examples (NASA, hospitals) are used to support ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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