IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In some countries young people have a little leisure time and are under pressures to work hard in their studies. What do think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

In today's contemporary world, many children
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not get enough free time to do what they like or follow their passion.
Reason
Correct article usage
The reason
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to
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 situation is
pressure
Correct article usage
the pressure
show examples
 to work hard in their
studies
Use synonyms
. There can be many different reasons
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
 scenario. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will be discussing the reasons and solutions
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
. To start with, youngsters nowadays study harder to score
good
Change the adjective
well
show examples
 in academics, which in
result
Check wording
turn
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 allows them
lesser
Correct word choice
less
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 leisure time. High competition among kids in schools is one of the primary
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, parents pressurise their kids to score
good
Change the adjective
well
show examples
 in
studies
Use synonyms
. They feel that if their kid
will
Verb problem
does
show examples
 not have good scores
Linking Words
then
Punctuation problem
, then
show examples
 their social status could be affected. A recent survey conducted in 2020 in America shows that many teenagers suffer from anxiety and depression as they were unable to perform well academically.
This
Linking Words
 problem can have many solutions.
Firstly
Linking Words
, parents should know the limitations of their child and should encourage them rather than forcing them to do well in exams.
Secondly
Linking Words
 , educational institutions should provide extra help in
studies
Use synonyms
 to the children. More attention should be given to the weaker students.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
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 should provide free education to ones
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 can not afford
.
Correct pronoun usage
it.
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 In conclusion , it will be right to say that young people should get more leisure time and should not be
pressurised
Verb problem
pressured
show examples
 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society to score
good
Change the adjective
well
show examples
 in their
studies
Use synonyms
.

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grammar
Fix the grammar and spelling to make the essay clear.
coherence
Use simple linking words to guide the flow from idea to idea.
structure
Try one main idea in each paragraph and end with a stronger closing.
content
Add more simple facts or examples to back up your point.
structure
There is an intro and a conclusion that say the point.
content
The topic is clear and you talk about causes and fixes.
content
An example from a survey is used, which adds some proof.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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