IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problemsSugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.Do you agree or disagree?

It is often
argue
Wrong verb form
argued
show examples
 that the
price
Use synonyms
 of sugary
products
Use synonyms
 must increase in order to
incentivising
Wrong verb form
incentivise
show examples
people
eat
Verb problem
to eat
show examples
 less
sugar
Use synonyms
 since substantial foods and drinks produced with high levels of
sugar
Use synonyms
 will lead to health issues. The essay will discuss why I disagree with the statement and provide supporting arguments.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
sugar
Use synonyms
served
Wrong verb form
serves
show examples
 as a basic nutrient in people’s daily life, so the
price
Use synonyms
 has to
keep
Wrong verb form
be kept
show examples
 in a reasonable
area
Check wording
range
show examples
 to
make sure
Verb problem
ensure
show examples
 everyone can afford
.
Correct pronoun usage
it.
show examples
Sugar
Use synonyms
 plays
such
Linking Words
 a vital role in humans’ health that a person, whether a kid or a grownup,
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to consume a certain
number
Check wording
amount
show examples
 of it.
As a result
Linking Words
, the
price
Use synonyms
 increase of sugary
products
Use synonyms
 without distinction could
rise
Use the right word
raise
show examples
 people’s
life
Replace the word
living
show examples
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, simply
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 sugary
products
Use synonyms
 more experience can’t solve the problem completely. Because the increasing
price
Use synonyms
 of
sugar
Use synonyms
 can be a result of more growth in the number of substitutes, which
still can
Correct word order
can still
show examples
 influence people’s well-being if an excessive take in.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, many food
products
Use synonyms
 contain
sugar
Use synonyms
，so
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 would be a challenge for industries to produce sugary
products
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a higher
price
Use synonyms
. Seriously, it can lead to
society
Replace the word
societal
show examples
 crises,
such
Linking Words
 as unemployment, because factories can’t afford
such
Linking Words
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 expensive cost but to cut down the number of
labors
Use the right word
labourers
show examples
 to maintain running. In conclusion, the core issue is to
rise
Use the right word
raise
show examples
 the aware
of
Change preposition
that
show examples
 too much
sugar
Use synonyms
 will harm health among people rather than just
rise
Verb problem
raising
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
’s
price
Use synonyms
. To deal with it,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should come up with a thoughtful regulation to limit obsessive
sugar
Use synonyms
 or
courage
Use the right word
encourage
show examples
 people
consume
Verb problem
to consume
show examples
 less
sugar
Use synonyms
 through
colorful
Use the right word
colourful
show examples
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
.

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task response
Answer the task directly and keep a clear view. State your position in the first or second sentence and stay with it.
coherence
Make one main idea per paragraph. Use simple link words to show order, like first, then, finally.
grammar
Use correct grammar and form. Check subject-verb in sentences and fix errors in word forms like incentivising.
examples
Give a specific example or fact to back up your point.
lexical
Watch word choice. Use simple and clear words. Avoid long phrases.
stance
You show a clear view that you do not agree with higher sugar price.
structure
There is a basic layout with an introduction, body, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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