IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Governments should focus their spending on public services rather than on arts such as Music and Painting . To what extend do you agree or discuss both?

Critics hold the belief that municipal government should invest more in public services
instead
Linking Words
 of
artistic
Correct article usage
the artistic
show examples
 fields. The essay strongly
disagree
Correct subject-verb agreement
disagrees
show examples
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
with this
show examples
 proposal because it is
deteimental
Correct your spelling
detrimental
 to the development of national soft
capibility
Correct your spelling
capability
 and
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 less expected benefits on the public services under the marginal effects. The argument in favour of
this
Linking Words
 proposal is that putting more layouts on the public service can effectively mitigate the official errors(e.g., information disruption, infrastructure damage), which is vertically related to
society
Use synonyms
's well-being. If sufficient expenditure and
resources
Use synonyms
 were allocated to the public
spere
Use the right word
sphere
show examples
, the governing system could be
development
Replace the word
developed
show examples
 and the officials can be motivated significantly. An example could be found in China,
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
 government in Chengdu announced that they planned to
cost
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 over 500,000 to maintain the public toilets;
Linking Words
thus
Punctuation problem
thus,
show examples
 they successfully got lots of admiration from the citizens. With adequate money and
resources
Use synonyms
,
governments
Use synonyms
 can enhance social stability and
cohension
Correct your spelling
cohesion
 constructively.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it seems
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 sensible
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 to adopt
this
Linking Words
 proposal.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 proposal is bound to
be failed
Wrong verb form
fail
show examples
 for the determining reason that it
actually
Verb problem
is actually
show examples
 based on the
erronous
Correct your spelling
erroneous
 assumption, which is
Correct word choice
that asthestic
show examples
asthestic
Correct your spelling
aesthetic
 improvements have no benefits to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
. If
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
lack
Correct subject-verb agreement
lacks
show examples
 the education of
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
, the
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 may have less access to captivating creations and hardly grasp the
outstandinng
Correct your spelling
outstanding
 thinking patterns left by artists. It is like a vicious circle which eventually leads to
Use synonyms
society
Replace the word
societal
show examples
 turmoil and discontentment. One compelling illustration is that a 2023 study conducted by Singapore sociologists
have
Verb problem
apply
show examples
examined the middle effect of paintings and music. The results strongly showed that students who grew up
under
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 artistic atmosphere showcased stronger creativity and productivity than students only focused on required subjects. Some critics
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
agree with
this
Linking Words
 proposal because the total of funds and
resources
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 limited;
Linking Words
thus
Punctuation problem
thus,
show examples
 the officials should take advantage of everything they have to make the
nations
Fix the agreement mistake
nation
show examples
 great again. It is
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
incumbent
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
governments
Use synonyms
 to make societal progress, but it doesn't necessarily mean that the money and
resources
Use synonyms
belonged
Verb problem
allocated
show examples
 to
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
 need to be occupied by the public service. With the theory of marginal effects, even though
governments
Use synonyms
 allocate
the
Correct determiner usage
all the
show examples
whole
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
money into the public sphere, the predictable effects would be limited. An example
abound
Correct subject-verb agreement
abounds
show examples
 in India: the
local
Fix the agreement mistake
locals
show examples
 ignored the protection of indigenous buildings to improve
tourist's
Check wording
tourists'
show examples
 transportation infrastructure,
where
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 used to appeal
millions
Change preposition
to millions
show examples
 of tourists from every
cornor
Correct your spelling
corner
 of the world.
This
Linking Words
 decision ended up in the
collasp
Correct your spelling
collapse
 of the local heritage, leading to the twilight of local tourism. In conclusion,
governments
Use synonyms
 should seek a conclusion between
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 fields
instead
Linking Words
 of focusing
one-sided
Change preposition
on one-sided
show examples
 improvement, which can accomplish the holistic development of the
society
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Be clear. State your view from the start, then back it with points.
Task Response
Discuss both sides in a fair way and end with a clear stance.
Coherence
Make one good idea per paragraph and connect ideas with 'and', 'but', or 'so'.
Coherence
Use examples that fit the point and explain how they help your view.
Language
Check spelling and grammar. Read aloud to catch mistakes and fix them.
Approach
The writer tries to talk about both sides of the issue.
Content
There is some good link of public service to the well and life of people.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: