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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four asian countries living in cirites from 1970 to 2020, with predicitions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four asian countries living in cirites from 1970 to 2020, with predicitions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line graph illustrates the percentage of the
population
Use synonyms
 living in the cities of
Use synonyms
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
,
Malaysia
Use synonyms
, Thailand, and Indonesia from 1970 to
2020
Punctuation problem
2020,
show examples
 with the assumption of
population
Use synonyms
 in 2030 and 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 experienced
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
fluctuation
Replace the word
fluctuating
show examples
trend
Use synonyms
 of
population
Use synonyms
 living in the cities,
whereas
Linking Words
Malaysia
Use synonyms
, Thailand and Indonesia had an upward
trend
Use synonyms
at the
Linking Words
end
Use synonyms
 of the
period
Use synonyms
.
Use synonyms
Philippines
Correct article usage
The Philippines
show examples
 was the
most
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
countries that had people living in the cities in 1970.
At the
Linking Words
end
Use synonyms
 of the
period
Use synonyms
,
Malaysia
Use synonyms
,
on the
Linking Words
contrary
Punctuation problem
contrary,
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 had the highest percentage of people living in the
cites
Use the right word
cities
show examples
.
Use synonyms
Philippines
Correct article usage
The Philippines
show examples
 was the
most
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
countries that had
population
Use synonyms
 living in the city, which accounted for almost 33%, followed closely by
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 at about 30% in 1970.
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Philippines
Correct article usage
The Philippines
show examples
 had a
fluctuation
Replace the word
fluctuating
show examples
trend
Use synonyms
. It gradually increased to almost 50% in 1990, slightly decreased to nearly 40% in 2010 and steadily rose to around 55% in 2040.
Malaysia
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 made up
at
Change preposition
apply
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about 30% in 1970,
then
Linking Words
 rapidly increased and overtook
Use synonyms
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 after 1990 and reached
a
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 highest peak at almost 80%
at the
Linking Words
end
Use synonyms
 of the
period
Use synonyms
. Thailand started at about 18% in the beginning and gradually grew to about 45% in 2040. Indonesia had a similar
trend
Use synonyms
like
Change preposition
to
show examples
Malaysia
Use synonyms
,
started
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 with just
only
Rephrase
apply
show examples
around 15% in 1970,
then
Linking Words
 significantly climbed to about 60%
at the
Linking Words
end
Use synonyms
 of the
period
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, philippines, malaysia, trend, end, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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