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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart shows the percentage of men, women and children who ate five portion of fruit and vegetables per day between 2001 and 2008

The bar chart shows the percentage of men, women and children who ate five portion of fruit and vegetables per day between 2001 and 2008
The given bar chart compares the distribution of individuals in a particular country
,
Punctuation problem
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 who consume five portions of fruits and vegetables every single day during a 7-year
period
Use synonyms
 (from 2001 to 2008).
Overall
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 demonstrated the highest consumption proportion throughout the
period
Use synonyms
, despite some fluctuations,
while
Linking Words
 children recorded the lowest. All three trends fluctuated during a
period
Use synonyms
. Starting with
women
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, in 2001, females represented nearly 20% consumption rate, compared with 17% of men and only 11% of children. The trend of
women
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 increased by 5% in 2002, and went up just above 25% in 2003. Whilst men’s and children’s
tendency
Fix the agreement mistake
tendencies
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 stayed unchanged till 2003. In the middle of the
period
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, all three figures grew,
women
Use synonyms
 accounting for roughly 30%,
whereas
Linking Words
 men were at just above 20% and children about 17%. In 2005, the rate of
women
Use synonyms
’s consumption went up 23%,
while
Linking Words
 men’s increased by 3% and youngsters by 2%.
According to
Linking Words
 details, in 2006, the percentage of females reached to peak, making up 35%, and decreased until the end of the
period
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. Men’s figure did not change at all
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
Linking Words
, children’s tendency reached to peak, at 25% and ended with nearly 23%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words period, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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