IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people believe that the overconsumption of refined sugar is a major problem in the world and should be regulated the same as alcohol and tobacco. To what extend to do you agree or disagree? Give explanations and examples to support your opinion.

The consumption of artificial
carbohydrate
Fix the agreement mistake
carbohydrates
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Linking Words
Such
Punctuation problem
, Such
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 as
Use synonyms
sugar
Punctuation problem
sugar,
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 has been dramatically increased all around the world. It is often claimed that using excessive
sugar
Use synonyms
 by a great number of individuals is a significant issue and should be regulated like alcohol and tobacco.
While
Linking Words
 a great variety of
food
Use synonyms
 recipes contain
sugar
Use synonyms
, in my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 overconsumption should be regulated. With the advent of technology, most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
are
Verb problem
apply
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tend to have a sedentary lifestyle and
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason they are not able to do exercises as before. So they need to have a healthier diet in order to prevent chronic diseases like obesity and heart failure.
Healthy
Correct article usage
A healthy
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 diet
is consist
Wrong verb form
consists
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 of more
fiber
Use the right word
fibre
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 and protein
instead
Linking Words
 of carbohydrates.
For instance
Linking Words
,
a
Correct article usage
apply
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research
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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carried out by
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
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 has proven that the more
sugar
Use synonyms
 is consumed
the
Punctuation problem
, the
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 more likely yo get sicknesses
such
Linking Words
 as overweight and diabetes.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, advertisements are influencing people in order that sweet snacks or meals are mouth-watering and joyful.
However
Linking Words
, these are free from vitamins and minerals.
Human's
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Human
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 body system requires nutritious
food
Use synonyms
 to regenerate tissues
ans hormonesso
Correct your spelling
and hormones
 having those kinds of meals may
distrupt
Correct your spelling
disrupt
body
Correct article usage
the body
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 and might
hazard
Verb problem
harm
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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well-being.
However
Linking Words
, it cannot be denied that
sugar
Use synonyms
 is one of the main
ingrediants
Correct your spelling
ingredients
 of most of the
food
Use synonyms
, since it is delicious and we cannot totally diminish it from our
food
Use synonyms
 chain
, despite
Punctuation problem
. Despite
show examples
Linking Words
this
Punctuation problem
this,
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 I believe that the excessive use of
sugar
Use synonyms
 has a lot of disadvantages. By way of conclusion, it appears to me that we should take some measures to regulate the usage of
sugar
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Make your view clear in one line at the start. Then give two to three solid reasons. End with a short finish.
coherence
Use linking words (first, next, also, but, however) to show how ideas relate. Each paragraph should have one main idea.
grammar
Fix spelling and basic mistakes. Keep grammar simple and correct.
examples
Give one real or easy example to back each point, like a sugar tax or label law.
structure
Have a short final line to sum up your view.
position
Clear view that sugar should be regulated.
content
Topic fits the task and talks about health and ads.
structure
There is a close ending that restates the view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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