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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows changes in the share of vehicle registrations of the three most common types of commercial vehicles in the US between 1970 and 2010.

The graph below shows changes in the share of vehicle registrations of the three most common types of commercial vehicles in the US between 1970 and 2010.
The line graph demonstrates the usage of three types of automobile
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
 across the US
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 from the years 1970 to 2010. In the
year
Use synonyms
 1970, 5% of
residents
Use synonyms
 used buses.
However
Linking Words
,
buses
Fix the agreement mistake
bus
show examples
 usage faced an erratic
journey
Use synonyms
, reaching a roughly 15% and dropping to
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 estimated 3%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
trucks
Use synonyms
endured
Verb problem
have endured
show examples
 a
succesful
Correct your spelling
successful
 number of registered
residents
Use synonyms
, and have surpassed the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
taxis
Use synonyms
 being used
signifcantly
Correct your spelling
significantly
.
Taxis
Use synonyms
 reached an estimated 25% of registered
residents
Use synonyms
 in the
year
Use synonyms
 1970, and have escalated by 10% of that
encoutered
Correct your spelling
encountered
 in the
year
Use synonyms
 1970, by the
year
Use synonyms
 2010.
In addition
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
taxis
Use synonyms
 have escalated
signifcantly
Correct your spelling
significantly
,
trucks
Use synonyms
 have endured an estimated 45% of registered
residents
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 1970 was the highest
year
Use synonyms
 with the
trucks
Use synonyms
 registrations,
this
Linking Words
 slight drop
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 left
trucks
Use synonyms
 as the highest vehicle registration among the graph.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in the
year
Use synonyms
1980
Punctuation problem
1980,
show examples
 truck registrations
have
Verb problem
apply
show examples
faced it's first major
declination
Check wording
decline
show examples
 of 15% after a decade of it's
succesion
Correct your spelling
succession
.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
taxis
Use synonyms
 surpassed
trucks
Use synonyms
 in the
year
Use synonyms
 1980, as
taxis
Use synonyms
 have reached it's highest amount of registrations of an estimated 35%. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 the usage of three types of automobile
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
 across the US, from the years 1970 to
2010
Punctuation problem
2010,
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 changed
signifcantly
Correct your spelling
significantly
, it's undeniable that
trucks
Use synonyms
 remain the most registered vehicle, and have endured a rather
succesful
Correct your spelling
successful
journey
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 buses encountered a rather
erratice
Correct your spelling
erratic
journey
Use synonyms
, and
taxis
Use synonyms
 faced a rather steady
journey
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
trucks
Use synonyms
 have surpassed the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of registered
vehicels
Correct your spelling
vehicles
 within the demonstrated illustrated graph.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas, while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words year, residents, journey, trucks, taxis with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • vehicle registrations
  • commercial vehicles
  • share
  • trends
  • fluctuations
  • patterns
  • growth
  • decline
  • advances in technology
  • economic conditions
  • government policy
  • logistics
  • transportation needs
  • industry standards
  • environmental impact
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