IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Museums and art galleries should concentrate on local works rather than show the cultures or artworks of other countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It’s often argued that
museums
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 and
galleries
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 should focus on indigenous
works
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 rather than
show
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 the
cultures
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 or
artworks
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 of other
countries
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.
This
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 essay will discuss why I largely disagree with
this
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 statement and provide supporting arguments. The primary reason for my stance is
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museums
Correct word choice
that museums
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 and
art
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galleries
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show
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 the
cultures
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 or
artworks
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 of other
countries
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 can attract more visitors and audience. Many People are curious about exotic culture and
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art
Use the right word
artworks
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works
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 and
more
Verb problem
are more
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 willing to pay for looking
them
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at them
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. A good illustration of
this
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 is many
museums
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 like
Louver
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Louvre
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 Museum, China
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art museum
Fix capitalization
Art Museum
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 collect not only indigenous
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art
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artworks
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works
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 but
also
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 some paintings and sculptures from other
countries
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, and mostly, the rooms where
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show
Verb problem
apply
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foreign
cultures
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are
Verb problem
are shown are
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 packed with visitors.
Consequently
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,
museums
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 need to
show
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 the
cultures
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 or
artworks
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 of other
countries
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.
Furthermore
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,
museums
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 and
art
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galleries
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show
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 the
cultures
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 or
artworks
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 of other
countries
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Linking Words
also
Punctuation problem
, also
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show
Wrong verb form
showing
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 the diversity of
cultures
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, which is beneficial for mutual learning of
cultures
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. To illustrate
this
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 point, there is an old Chinese idiom
aclled
Correct your spelling
called
 the mutual learning of west and east(东西互鉴), which means the progress of
cultures
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attribute
Wrong verb form
attributed
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 to cultural
comparision
Correct your spelling
comparison
 between western
countries
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 and eastern
countries
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. In
this
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 case, people can learn the merits of different
cultures
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 and have a better
understand
Replace the word
understanding
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how
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of how
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 to pass them.
Although
Linking Words
concentrate
Wrong verb form
concentrating
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 on local
works
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 can be more helpful to let people have a deep impression
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 local
cultures
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’ traits, showing the
cultures
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 or
artworks
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 of other
countries
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 can truly promote the
cultures
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’ progress. In conclusion, I largely believe that
museums
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 and
art
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galleries
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 should
show
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 the
cultures
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 or
artworks
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 of other
countries
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 because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 attract more visitors and encourage mutual learning of
cultures
Use synonyms
.

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Task planning
Plan your essay. Say your view in one line. Then give two or three clear reasons. Finish with a short final line that restates your view.
Grammar
Use simple words and clear grammar. Be careful with plural forms, articles, and verb tense.
Coherence
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, and then. Keep ideas in a clear order.
Examples
Give real, clear examples. Each idea should have one example that fits well.
Structure
Make sure the last line repeats the first idea so the essay ends in a strong way.
Content
The writer shows a clear view on the topic and keeps it through the essay.
Support
There are real examples from well known museums, which the reader can see.
Structure
The ends have a simple closing sentence that restates the view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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