IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people prefer to communicate through social media instead of face-to-face interaction. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In these
Change preposition
These
show examples
 days,
people
Use synonyms
 prefer communicating by
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 rather than interacting face-to-face.
This
Linking Words
 is good for
people
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 far from their friends and family and for shy
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 have
problems
Use synonyms
to socialize
Verb problem
socialising
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, there are cons for
children
Use synonyms
 and teens
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
meet
Wrong verb form
meeting
show examples
 weird
people
Use synonyms
 and
problems
Use synonyms
 of isolation
because
Punctuation problem
, because
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 do not interact with others. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will try to cover whether the pros outweigh the disadvantages. Turning to the advantages, many
people
Use synonyms
 study and work abroad
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
for
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, they need
communicate
Verb problem
to communicate
show examples
 with their loved ones by social
media
Use synonyms
 because, is the only way to keep in contact with them. My brother went to work
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Spain, so
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 every Sunday we do
video
Correct article usage
a video
show examples
 call
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
Face
Use the right word
FaceTime
show examples
Time
Use synonyms
 to talk with him. Another advantage is that talk by
internet
Use synonyms
 could be useful for shy
people
Use synonyms
 that have
problems
Use synonyms
 to talk face -to face. Sometimes teenagers are
introverts
Replace the word
introverted
show examples
 to
talk
Wrong verb form
talking
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Add a comma
internet,
show examples
 they can express their feelings.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are disadvantages
such
Linking Words
 as
meet
Wrong verb form
meeting
show examples
people
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 that could be weird. One of my best
friend
Check wording
friend's
show examples
 sisters
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 was communicating with a guy
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 Facebook and Instagram. They were chatting for
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 and, when the
time
Use synonyms
 came to get to know each
other
Punctuation problem
other,
show examples
 the guy had been a convict for murder,
hence
Linking Words
was
Correct pronoun usage
it was
show examples
 a bad experience for her. Another disadvantage is the
problems
Use synonyms
 of isolation in
children
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 prefer
communicate
Verb problem
to communicate
show examples
 with friends
on-line
Use the right word
online
show examples
instead
Linking Words
to get
Change preposition
of getting
show examples
 together in the park. With the advent of more technology in video games, where
children
Use synonyms
 can play and communicate in real
time
Use synonyms
, more and more
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to play role games and stay
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 home than do sports and interact with others face-to-face. Is very common that
people
Use synonyms
 communicate by apps and social
media
Use synonyms
 and not interact with others face- to -face. Communicating by social
media
Use synonyms
 is very useful for
people
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 far from
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 loved ones
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
If
Fix capitalization
if
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
media
Use synonyms
 is used with
responsibility
Punctuation problem
responsibility,
show examples
 the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Plan your essay with a clear start, body, and end. Say your view in the first paragraph and restate it in the last.
coherence
Use simple links such as and, but, also, however to connect ideas, so the writing flows.
content
Give one or two strong examples and explain how they show the good or bad side.
grammar
Check grammar: use correct verb forms and prepositions. Keep short, clear sentences.
stance
There is a clear view that benefits can outweigh harm when used with care.
content
Some real life examples back the points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: