Some people think that the best way to stay fit is joining a gym or health clubs. While others think That doing everyday activities such as walking or climbing stairs is enough. Discuss both aspects give Your Own opinion

It is argued that to live a healthy
life
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, it is important to join
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gym
Correct article usage
a gym
show examples
or
fitness
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groups
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.
In contrast
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, others think that joining
groups
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or
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gym
Correct article usage
a gym
show examples
is not
compulsary
Correct your spelling
compulsory
, a man can remain fit by doing daily activities like walking and climbing stairs. Well, I am of the point that joining
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gym
Correct article usage
a gym
show examples
or
groups
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is necessary. On one side of the argument, there are
also
Linking Words
some individuals who believe that, by doing everyday
activities
Punctuation problem
activities,
show examples
a man can remain healthy.
Although
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,
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apply
show examples
there are some
people
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in society who really
work
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hard in their daily routines throughout the day,
thats
Use the right word
that's
show examples
enough for them to keep healthy and fit.
Furthermore
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, some
people
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are really
concious
Correct your spelling
conscious
about their health,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
enforce
Verb problem
encourages
show examples
them to do hard
work
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in their
house hold
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household
show examples
routine to remain fit.
For instance
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, a labour or a mechanical worker has a very tough schedule throughout the day, to do just physical
work
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,
thats
Use the right word
that's
show examples
enough for them to keep healthy.
On the other hand
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, I strongly hold
this
Linking Words
point
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
that joining a
gym
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or a
fitness
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group is necessary to live a healthy
life
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. The most astonishing reason for
this
Linking Words
point is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society is moving towards advancement, so
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hard
work
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continuously
Verb problem
is continuously
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replacing
Wrong verb form
being replaced
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by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
machines.
As a result
Linking Words
, humans have nothing to do
hard
Change preposition
with hard
show examples
or physical
work
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,
So
Fix capitalization
so
show examples
joing
Correct your spelling
joining
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gym
Correct article usage
a gym
show examples
has become necessary for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
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not
to just
Correct word order
just to
show examples
make them fit, but
also
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to aware
them
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
the benefits of
the
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apply
show examples
health. In practical
life
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,
statisticts
Correct your spelling
statistics
provided by a
survay
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survey
show that the
people
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who join
jum
Correct your spelling
gym
or
fitness
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groups
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are
more healthy
Correct word choice
healthier
show examples
than the others. In conclusion,
Linking Words
Although
Fix capitalization
although
show examples
both views exist in society, I am of the view that by joining
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gym
Correct article usage
a gym
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
and health
promot
Correct your spelling
promotion
groups
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you can enjoy a
more healthy
Correct word choice
healthier
show examples
and
happy
Replace the word
happier
show examples
life
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. In general, it is suggested to educational institutes that they should
promote
Verb problem
encourage
show examples
students to join
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gym
Correct article usage
the gym
show examples
and other
fitness
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clubs.

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structure
Plan your essay. Start with a short intro that states the topic and your view. Then add 2 body parts with each clear reason and one idea to support it, and finish with a short ending.
coherence
Use simple link words to connect ideas, such as first, also, but, however, and for example.
content
Give more clear and strong examples. Explain why gym can help and why daily work can keep you fit. Use simple facts or numbers when you can.
grammar
Check spelling and grammar. Use short, simple sentences and easy words.
content
You state a clear view on the topic.
structure
There is some attempt to discuss both sides with links like 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand'.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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