IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the percentage of adult male smokers in seven countries along with the world average in 2000 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the percentage of adult male smokers in seven countries along with the world average in 2000 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The chart demonstrates the proportion of male
tabacoo
Correct your spelling
tobacco
 consumers in
Correct article usage
the major
show examples
major seven
Correct word order
seven major
show examples
 countries of the world and
also
Linking Words
depict
Correct subject-verb agreement
depicts
show examples
 the average of the world during the period
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
2000
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the 2015. At
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first glance,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 America and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Bangladesh lead the percentage of male
smookers
Correct your spelling
smokers
 with roughly
three quaters
Correct your spelling
three-quarters
 of the total male population,
while
Linking Words
 Australia had the lowest share, with almost a quarter of people using
tabacoo
Correct your spelling
tobacco
. Now, coming back to the details.
American's
Check wording
American
show examples
 males took
lead
Correct article usage
the lead
show examples
 in
smooking
Correct your spelling
smoking
 during 2000 and
2015
Punctuation problem
2015,
show examples
 with the ratio of 60% and 50% respectively,
while
Linking Words
 Bangladesh secured the second position
overall
Linking Words
 with almost 60%
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2000 as compared to 40%
during
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2015.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 Cuba was the only country
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 had almost the same ratio
throught
Correct your spelling
throughout
 these two years with
50
Correct article usage
a 50
show examples
 % share.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the average percentage of
smooking
Correct your spelling
smoking
 in the world during 2000 was almost 40%, as compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
2015
Punctuation problem
2015,
show examples
 where the average
stop
Replace the word
stopped
show examples
 at almost 30%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Australia was the only country which had the lowest ratio throughout these years
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 almost 30% and roughly 20% share
repectively
Correct your spelling
respectively
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 6 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bar chart, percentage, adult male smokers
  • world average, increased, decreased
  • tobacco consumption, lung cancer
  • public health, awareness campaigns
  • government policy, smoking bans
  • health risks, nicotine, tobacco industry
  • chart analysis, data comparison
  • statistical trend, significant fluctuation
  • stagnation, steady rise, moderate fall
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