Government should spend money to increase the development of sport and art for school students rather than supporting professional sport and art performances for general public. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people, including
myself
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myself,
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belive
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believe
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that law
enforcing
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enforcement
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agency
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agencies
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should concentrate on spending money towards the development of school
students
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rather
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then
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than
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professional sports, and performances for
general
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the general
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public. In
this
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eassy
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essay
, I will
adress
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address
the importance of the
governement
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government
supporting
students
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to follow the trails of a professional.
Firstly
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,
by
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with
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the
government
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's
support
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towards the development of extra-curricular
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activities
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activities,
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students
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could enhance
thier
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their
skills and aim to be
a
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apply
show examples
professional
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professionals
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.
For instance
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, a vast
amount
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number
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of
students
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in private
school
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schools
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endure
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enjoy
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well supported
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well-supported
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extra-curricular
activities
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, which
escalated
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escalates
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thier
Correct your spelling
their
hobbies into the trials of a
professionalists
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professional
show examples
.
Moreover
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,
this
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demonstrates that if the
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government's
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government
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spent money towards diverse schools across the
country
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,
this
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would set the
students
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for
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up for
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a
further
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sucessful
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successful
outlook on reaching the success of becoming a professional, rather
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then
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than
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spending
thier
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their
money on a professional.
Thus
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, I'd say that with the
governments
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government's
show examples
support
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the
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, the
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growth of local
artist
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artists
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, and the sports field within the
country
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would escalate significantly.
Secondly
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, the
governement's
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government's
support
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could
led
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lead
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to a vast
amount
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number
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of
students
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that
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who
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engage as
being
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apply
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a
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the
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country
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's representatives.
Such
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as the cooperation of
students
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to represent a
country
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through
it's
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its
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art, and sports aspects.
On the contrary
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,
this
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enhances the growth of student
represntatives
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representatives
, and the accomplishments they bring to the name of the
country
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.
Hence
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, the
government
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's
support
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could engage in a large number of representatives of a
country
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. In conclusion,
while
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the
government
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's
aims
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aim
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to
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is to
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support
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local extra-curricular
activities
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could develop local professionals
,
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apply
show examples
and representatives. It's undeniable that the
governement
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government
could rebuild a rather
ground breaking
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ground-breaking
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accomplishment
to
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for
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the name of a
country
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, by supporting
students
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through extra-curricular
activities
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.

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improvement
Make your view clear from the first line and keep it in all paragraphs.
improvement
Plan your essay: intro, 2 body parts, then a short ending. Link each part to the main view.
improvement
Use simple, correct grammar. Check spellings and verb forms.
improvement
Give more exact words to explain ideas and add clear examples.
improvement
Finish with a short conclusion that repeats your view and sums up.
content
The essay shows a clear topic and a stated view.
structure
There is an intro and a conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Foster a sense of creativity and teamwork
  • Well-rounded individuals
  • Discovery of young talent
  • Nurtured to achieve greater success
  • Social or economic background
  • Access to quality education
  • Healthier lifestyle
  • Obesity and mental health problems
  • National pride and cultural appreciation
  • Showcasing the country’s talent
  • Generate revenue
  • Tourism and media coverage
  • Societal well-being
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