IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In today’s competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out of work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parent’s absence.

The
children
Use synonyms
 need someone to take
care
Use synonyms
 of them
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
, anyone of the
parents
Use synonyms
 should stay at home
instead
Linking Words
 of going to
work
Use synonyms
. The question is, some people believe one of the
parents
Use synonyms
 should take
care
Use synonyms
od
Use the right word
of
show examples
 the
children
Use synonyms
 and the other one goes to
work
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I believe they can not go to
work
Use synonyms
 together
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 one of them should take
care
Use synonyms
 of the
children
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay. We are going to discuss both views and give my opinion. First of all. There are people who believe the cost of living is higher today than before
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
, all
parents
Use synonyms
 should go to
work
Use synonyms
 and make a happy life for their
children
Use synonyms
. These kinds of people believe that if they bring s housekeeper
instead
Linking Words
 of them is fine.
However
Linking Words
, the
child
Use synonyms
 might have negative effects in the future because of a poor upbringing.
For instance
Linking Words
, my sister and her husband go to
work
Use synonyms
 every day
while
Linking Words
 their
children
Use synonyms
 have a housekeeper to take
care
Use synonyms
 of them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 thought is not true because
heppiness
Correct your spelling
happiness
 is not related to money or wealth. The
children
Use synonyms
 need
care
Use synonyms
 and their
parents
Use synonyms
 more than anything
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
as a result
Linking Words
, the money is not enough for them,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
 do not need a strange woman to take
care
Use synonyms
 of them.
Raisning
Correct your spelling
Raising
 a
child
Use synonyms
 by his
mother
Use synonyms
 IS different from being raised by another woman. In the conclusion. I would argue that
raising
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a
child
Use synonyms
 has to be raised by his
mother
Use synonyms
. The housekeeper will not do as much as the
mother
Use synonyms
 does.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
child
Use synonyms
haS
Use the right word
has
show examples
 to be raised by his
mother
Use synonyms
. Kim Ryu

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Task Response
Plan before you write. Make a short plan with one idea for each part.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use clear topic sentences. Start each paragraph with a line that shows its aim.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Be careful with spelling and grammar. Fix easy errors like 'Raisning', 'housekeeper', and 'is'.
Task Response
Give real ideas and examples that fit the idea. Do not repeat the same point.
content
There is a clear view on the topic and the student tries to give examples.
content
The essay shows some effort to present other views.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • income
  • money
  • work
  • job
  • parent
  • mother
  • father
  • child
  • kids
  • family
  • home
  • care
  • look after
  • babysitter
  • daycare
  • nursery
  • school
  • education
  • time
  • support
  • bond
  • routine
  • balance
  • flexible hours
  • part-time
  • full-time
  • stress
  • happy
  • safe
  • plan
  • future
  • responsibility
  • grandparents
  • relatives
  • after-school
  • club
  • supervise
  • safety
What to do next:
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