IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

IN MANT COUNTRIES, PEOPLE ARE NOW LIVING LONGER THAN EVER BEFORE. SOME PEOPLE SAY AN AGEING POPULATION CREATES PROBLEMS FOR GOVERNMENTS. OTHER PEOPLE THINK THERE ARE BENEFITS IF SOCIETY HAS MORE ELDERLY PEOPLE. TO WHAT EXTENT DO THE ADVANTAGES OF HAVING AN AGEING POPULATION OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES?

It is argued that many problems arise with the
increase
Use synonyms
 in
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 population. Many
people
Use synonyms
 think that having old
people
Use synonyms
 around is a blessing as they teach the next
generation
Use synonyms
 moral values. I strongly agree with the
later
Use the right word
latter
show examples
 statement. There are several downsides of a society that
have
Wrong verb form
has an increasing
show examples
increase
Use synonyms
 population of elderly
people
Use synonyms
. First and foremost would be
economical
Correct word choice
economic
show examples
 instability. There are some companies
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 do not allow
to work
Correct word order
people to work
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 after
certain
Correct article usage
a certain
show examples
age
Use synonyms
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 the load
directly
Verb problem
is directly
show examples
transfer
Wrong verb form
transferred
show examples
 to
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 context, if there are more
elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 than
youth
Punctuation problem
youth,
show examples
then
Linking Words
, rate of unemployment
Use synonyms
increase
Fix the agreement mistake
increases
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 leads to
Correct article usage
the detsblization
show examples
detsblization
Correct your spelling
destabilisation
 of
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
. The second reason would be
Use synonyms
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
dependancy
Correct your spelling
dependency
 on
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 . To
ellaborate
Correct your spelling
elaborate
this
Linking Words
,
elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 after a certain
age
Use synonyms
, become
dependant
Replace the word
dependent
show examples
 on someone for their daily needs
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 In
this
Linking Words
 way, it
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 impossible for them to earn and perform their daily tasks
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 they ask
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 to allocate
allowence
Correct your spelling
allowance
 or provide free spaces for
Correct article usage
an administration
show examples
administration supported
Use the right word
administration-supported
show examples
 care home .
For example
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
 the United Kingdom ,
rate
Correct article usage
the rate
show examples
 of old
age
Use synonyms
 has increased
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Thus
Linking Words
 government has to spend 30% of the tax money to support care
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
.
Whereas
Linking Words
, there are some advantages of
community
Correct article usage
a community
show examples
 rich
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 old
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
 learn basic
attiquettes
Correct your spelling
etiquette
 and moral values swiftly
while
Linking Words
 following their
forefathers
Check wording
forefathers'
show examples
 footsteps.
Culture related
Use the right word
Culture-related
show examples
 knowledge transfer
in
Change preposition
across
show examples
 generations.
Moreover
Linking Words
, native
languange
Correct your spelling
language
 can be taught to
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
 easily if they live under the supervision of their grandparents. To
examplify
Correct your spelling
exemplify
,
Correct article usage
the Pahto
show examples
Pahto
Correct your spelling
Pashto
 language is still
been
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 spoken by
residnets
Correct your spelling
residents
 of Pakistan, because of
presence
Correct article usage
the presence
show examples
 of grandparents, who teach their children
Correct article usage
the pashto
show examples
pashto
Fix capitalization
Pashto
show examples
 language by speaking
them
Change preposition
to them
show examples
 on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
 basis
alongwith
Correct your spelling
along with
 other languages.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
an Increase
show examples
Increase
Fix capitalization
increase
show examples
 population of one
age
Use synonyms
 group
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
 problems. A society with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
balance
Replace the word
balanced
show examples
 percentage of both
aged
Correct article usage
the aged
show examples
 and
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 group considered to be a successful society.
However
Linking Words
, having
elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 around is advantageous as
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
 is taught moral values and cultural aspects by their
grand parents
Use the right word
grandparents
show examples
 more effectively.

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planning
Plan your essay before you write. Make a short list of the two sides and your main point.
structure
Use clear paragraphs. Have an introduction, two or three body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
grammar
Check grammar and spelling. Focus on common errors like 'dependence', 'elderly', 'care home'.
vocabulary
Stick to simple words and short sentences. This keeps meaning clear.
content
Give a balanced view with more specific examples from real life or policies.
stance
The writer shows a clear view and tries to back it with ideas.
ideas
There are ideas about culture and language that are useful.
examples
Some real examples are used to show points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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