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Writing Samples
Band 5

Prison is an effective punishment for when break the low

Prison is often regarded as the proper and beneficial solution for criminals when they break the law in society. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that young individuals do not need to pay much attention to
prisons
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others believe they are an important part of justice.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 argue in
favor
Use the right word
favour
show examples
, I personally oppose
this
Linking Words
 notion. Nowadays, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that jails can be ineffective and even harmful. They point out that, if there is a more useful method, society should try to apply it. Research has shown that for some criminals, time in prison can be a period of reflection and growth,
while
Linking Words
 others may suffer trauma or become even more dangerous.
This
Linking Words
 argument may sound reasonable, yet
prisons
Use synonyms
 have been used for many years across different countries
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they still play a vital role in justice.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, crime has become a common issue
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 believe that offenders must be punished. For centuries,
prisons
Use synonyms
 have been used by governments as one of the main tools of justice. In fact, jail is considered an effective punishment for convicts because
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 can reform and rehabilitate. If offenders are not punished, their number is likely to increase.
For instance
Linking Words
,
prisons
Use synonyms
 are viewed as a protection for citizens since they keep society safe. A world without jails would certainly be dangerous, and
Linking Words
therefore
Punctuation problem
therefore,
show examples
 I believe prison remains the most effective way to deal with lawbreakers. In conclusion, there are various opinions and
people
Use synonyms
 think in different ways. Even though
prisons
Use synonyms
 might have risks and limitations, I support their existence because they can reform and rehabilitate offenders

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Structure
Be clear about your main view in the opening and keep it the same to the end.
Content
Give more detail for each idea and add a simple example.
Coherence
Use simple link words to show how ideas go with each other.
Grammar
Check grammar; some sentences sound wrong or odd.
Argument
Do not change your side in the end; end with the same view.
Style
Use short, clear sentences to help reading.
Balance
The essay looks at both sides of the topic.
Structure
There is an opening and an end.
Content
Some points about how prison can be seen as a punishment are clear.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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