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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pie charts show the size of classes in primary schools in four states in Australia in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts show the size of classes in primary schools in four states in Australia in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The pie chart
illustart
Correct your spelling
illustrates
 the capacity of the
classes
Use synonyms
 in the four states of
Australia
Use synonyms
 in 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 three
diffrent
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different
 states
New
Verb problem
are New
show examples
 South
, South
Check wording
Wales, South
show examples
Australia
Use synonyms
 , and Western
Australia
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. Nearly have the same percentage of
deviding
Correct your spelling
dividing
 the
classes
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 of primary school
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
tend to contain more
students
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for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
per class,whilst the Capital Territory classe's designed to
contin
Correct your spelling
contain
less student
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer students
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
per class. The
captial
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capital
classe's
Check wording
classes
show examples
 that can take less than 25
stdents
Correct your spelling
students
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
are almost above
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half, whlist 38% of the
classes
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 are designed to
contin
Correct your spelling
continue
less
Change preposition
with less
show examples
Linking Words
then
Use the right word
than
show examples
 20
students
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.
Whic
Correct your spelling
Which
mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
show examples
 that the
captil
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capital
classes
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 tend to be smaller in size than the other three states. The
clasees
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classes
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Westren
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Western
Australia
Use synonyms
 , and in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
South
, and
Check wording
Australia, and
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
New South Wales ,
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
tend to be bigger
according to
Linking Words
 the
percange
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
classes
Use synonyms
 that can contain up to 30
students
Use synonyms
 ,which is almost over 30 % of
ther
Correct your spelling
the
 design.
whlist
Correct your spelling
While
 almost 45% of
ther
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the
 other
classes
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 can take from 20 to 25
students
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is a big number
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to the
classes
Use synonyms
 in the Capital.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words classes, australia, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • primary school
  • class size
  • proportion
  • average
  • trends
  • small/medium/large classes
  • implications
  • quality of education
  • teacher workload
  • comparison
  • variance
  • state-by-state analysis
  • education policy
  • statistical representation
  • pie chart interpretation
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