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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that money is the key to happiness, while others believe that there are more important things that bring happiness. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Money
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 is considered crucial because it can make
people
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’s lives easier. Some
people
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 believe that more
money
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 leads to
happiness
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,
while
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 others argue that there are more important factors that bring
happiness
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. On the one hand, many
people
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 associate
happiness
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 with
money
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 for several reasons.
Firstly
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,
money
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 provides financial security and comfort, which means
people
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 do not have to worry about unstable income or financial shortages.
Secondly
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,
money
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 allows
people
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 to create happy moments,
such
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 as going out with friends or buying toys for their children. In fact, when parents see their children happy, their own
happiness
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 is greatly enhanced.
On the other hand
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, some believe that
happiness
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 can be found in non-material aspects of life.
For example
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, pleasant weather can influence
people
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’s emotions positively,
while
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 extreme heat or poor weather can make them feel stressed.
Moreover
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, relationships, love, and good health are often sources of long-lasting
happiness
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 that
money
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 cannot buy. Even something as simple as the smile of a baby can bring joy at no cost.
To conclude
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,
although
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money
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 can contribute to
happiness
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 by providing comfort and opportunities, I believe true
happiness
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 is often found in small, everyday moments that do not require wealth.”

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coherence
Give more strong and clear links between points. Each paragraph should start with a clear idea sentence and end with a sentence that links to the next part.
content
Give more detail for each idea. Add a bit more on why money is good or bad for happiness, and use one clear example per point.
task response
Make your view crisp in the last line. State it once and stick to it.
content
The essay speaks on both sides and has a final view.
form
Good use of ‘On the one hand’ and ‘On the other hand’.
content
Conclusion clearly states your own view.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • subjective
  • universally
  • cultural differences
  • psychological factors
  • satisfaction with life
  • emotional balance
  • personal achievements
  • social connections
  • fulfilling relationships
  • sense of belonging
  • sense of purpose
  • physical health
  • well-being
  • financial stability
  • mindfulness
  • gratitude
  • positive thinking
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