IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

the pie chart shows the percentage of persons arrested in the five years ending 1994 and the bar chart shows the most recent reasons for arrest. summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

the pie chart shows the percentage of persons arrested in the five years ending 1994 and the bar chart shows the most recent reasons for arrest. summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The figures above
showed
Wrong verb form
show
show examples
 2 comparisons of a pie
chart
Use synonyms
 and a bar
chart
Use synonyms
. The pie
chart
Use synonyms
 shows the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
males
Use synonyms
 and
females
Use synonyms
 arrested in the five years ending 1994
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 The bar
chart
Use synonyms
 shows the recent reasons for arrest of
males
Use synonyms
 and
females
Use synonyms
. The pie
chart
Use synonyms
 provides 2 different charts of the
males
Use synonyms
 arrested and the
females
Use synonyms
 arrested. Both charts have a higher rate of unarrested
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 than arrested
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
.
Males
Use synonyms
 have 32
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 of arrested
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
while
Linking Words
Females
Use synonyms
 have 9
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
indicate
Correct subject-verb agreement
indicates
show examples
 that
females
Use synonyms
 have 23
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 less in arrested citizens than
males
Use synonyms
 do
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
females
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 have a higher
percentage
Use synonyms
 of unarrested citizens
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
females
Use synonyms
 unarrested having 91
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
, a lot more than the male unarrested
percentage
Use synonyms
 (68
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
).
Next,
Linking Words
the bar
chart
Use synonyms
 provides reasons for
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 recent arrests in
percentage
Use synonyms
. The
chart
Use synonyms
 gave a total of 7 reasons
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 drink driving, public drinking, breach of order, assault, theft, other reason and no answer (the arrested did not give
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 answer of arrested). The highest for most recent arrests is public drinking
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 almost 40
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 in
females
Use synonyms
 and 30
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 in
males
Use synonyms
, similar to public drinking, drink driving followed in second
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 dropped dramatically in
females
Use synonyms
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 the
males
Use synonyms
 only dropped by 5
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 (25
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
). The other 4 have almost identical
Use synonyms
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
show examples
 of
males
Use synonyms
 and
females
Use synonyms
,
for
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 assault has 15 to 17
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 in
males
Use synonyms
 and theft has 15
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 in
males
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, the least number of
percentage
Use synonyms
 is no answer, with only 5
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 of
males
Use synonyms
 and 7
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 of
females
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 86%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, percentage, males, females, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 9 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gave" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "provides" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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