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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some school leavers choose to take a gap year to travel or work before entering university. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this decision.

Nowadays, education plays a vital role in the future success of a
person
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. The statistics prove that people who graduated from the
university
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 have a higher salary than others. But there is a question
:
Punctuation problem
:
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 should school leavers take a gap
year
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 or work before entering
university
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? I consider
this
Linking Words
 decision has some pros and cons, which I will describe later To start with, the advantages of taking a gap
year
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 are quite easy to understand.
Firstly
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, future students would have some time what they really want. That's the common problem when parents decide what their child will study. The consequences of
such
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 a decision are bad
:
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;
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 students are not motivated to study in the chosen area of science and lose a
year
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 before entering the best faculty for them.
Moreover
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, if you are going to enter
university
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 right after school, you wouldn'
t
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 have any experience at work, and it would make future education less profitable. Without understanding what you need at work, it's harder to understand the real value of knowledge
On the other hand
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, taking a gap
year
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 increases some risks for a
person
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. If it doesn'
t
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 waste time on entertainment, there could be a situation when , after entering the
university
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, a
person
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 just can'
t
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 study hard.
For instance
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, one of my classmates took a
year
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 to chill and after that entered the
university
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, dropped out during the first month.
Also
Linking Words
, there could be a problem connected with your friends. A
university
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 as a school is a place for socialisation. So, a
person
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 could lose contact with peers, which may raise mental problems. In conclusion, I would like to say, of course, it could be very profitable to
give
Verb problem
take
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 a
year
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 for the rest
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 I consider that it's for people with
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
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 spirit who would really do something good in
this
Linking Words
 free time.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, the graduation doesn'
t
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 really need to be for everyone, and everyone should make a decision
what
Change preposition
on what
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 to choose.

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development
Task response: Give a clear view on the question. State your position in the first paragraph and keep it in your conclusion. Add more reasons and a better example.
structure
Coherence and cohesion: Start each paragraph with a clear main idea. Use simple links like 'also', 'but', 'however'. Make ideas flow from one to the next.
content
You show both sides of the issue.
structure
There is an introduction and a conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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