IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Despite the benefits for health, fewer people today than ever before exercise by walking. Why is this? What can be done to encourage more walking?

Nowadays, the advantages of walking to maintain health and physical
feet
Check wording
fitness
show examples
 have been proven.
A
Correct article usage
The
show examples
 number of
people
Use synonyms
 who choose to exercise by walking
are
Verb problem
has
show examples
 significantly decreased. There are many causes that lead to
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will outline some possible reasons and the ways
people
Use synonyms
 can be encouraged to walk more.
Although
Linking Words
 the positive impacts of walking are remarkable, there are fewer
people
Use synonyms
 who walk daily now than
the
Change preposition
in the
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 past. Sedentary lifestyle is the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue, technology and transport development lead to
have
Verb problem
apply
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an inactive life.
People
Use synonyms
 could
work
Use synonyms
 from their houses or go to
work
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
in
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 their own personal vehicle
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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 walking
Verb problem
has decrease
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decrease
Replace the word
decreased
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. Convenient infrastructure shortage is the second reason; some think they do not have access to walking paths, parks or safe pedestrian nearby their
lodgments
Use the right word
lodgings
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.
Have
Wrong verb form
Having
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 a busy and fast lifestyle can
be
Verb problem
apply
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also
Linking Words
a
Verb problem
be a
show examples
next
Correct word choice
apply
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reason, individuals prefer
Use synonyms
work
Verb problem
to work
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 for long hours to obtain
welfares
Fix the agreement mistake
welfare
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 and accommodations
so
Rephrase
apply
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,
they
Correct word choice
so they
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 do not have enough time for walking. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
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hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
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, there are several solutions to
say
Verb problem
encourage
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people
Use synonyms
walk
Verb problem
to walk
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 more.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
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 could conduct camping
for encouraging
Change preposition
to encourage
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people
Use synonyms
 to walk
for
Change preposition
on
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 short
trail
Fix the agreement mistake
trails
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 and reward employers who walk to
work
Use synonyms
 by increasing their salary
even
Change preposition
by even
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 few dollars per
month
Punctuation problem
month,
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although
Linking Words
 forming safer urban design
do
Verb problem
should
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 not be overlooked
, in
Punctuation problem
. In
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this
Linking Words
way
Add a comma
way,
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people
Use synonyms
 exercise
for
Change preposition
to
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 keep
healthy
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
their
body
Check wording
bodies healthy
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, and help to reduce global
warmer
Replace the word
warming
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 to avoid more
the
Correct article usage
apply
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means of transport. The second solution is
rising
Use the right word
raising
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
public awareness
by
Change preposition
through
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 social media or advertising
in
Change preposition
on
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 radio and television by celebrities or lovely fit actors. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 in
modern
Correct article usage
a modern
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 crowded lifestyle some exercises fewer, individuals must
left
Wrong verb form
leave
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 a free place for
bodies
Fix the agreement mistake
body
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 care
at
Punctuation problem
, at
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 the same time they help to have a better place for living. The role of government in
this
Linking Words
 subject to make un fully aware is not denied.

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organization
Plan your essay with a clear plan. Use 3 parts: intro, 3 body parts, and a short conclusion.
content
Each idea should be shown with one clear example.
language
Use plain words. Keep short and simple sentences.
accuracy
Check verb form and tense in your sentences.
structure
The essay has an introduction that says what you will talk about.
content
There are reasons and ideas for fix to walk more.
cohesion
Some linking words show cause and effect.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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