IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar chart shows the percentages of the UK workforce in five major industries in 1841 and 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the percentages of the UK workforce in five major industries in 1841 and 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar charts
depicts
Correct subject-verb agreement
depict
show examples
 the proportions of the UK workforce in
five
Correct article usage
the five
show examples
 top industries between 1841 and 2011.
Overall
Linking Words
, shares for services and construction saw a rise over the period
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 proportions for the remaining areas declined. In 1841, services accounted for just over 30% until
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
gently
Replace the word
gentle
show examples
 rise to 81%. Despite a minor increase of 3% to 8% in 2011, construction
hold
Wrong verb form
held
show examples
 third place among industries. The remaining three competitors went down over
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
, manufacturing and agriculture dropped dramatically by over 20%
while
Linking Words
 energy plummeted from 3% to 1%.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: