IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while other people think that mental strength is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There is a debate over which strength is more crucial.
While
Linking Words
 some say that the physical one is more important, some argue that mental health is necessary in sport.
Although
Linking Words
 body well-being can strongly affect people's ability to do activities, in my opinion, critical thinking is an essential and indispensable part of the sport. Undoubtedly, an individual's body health has a high impact on training. Since
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 most of the human body parts actively participate in
this
Linking Words
 challenging activity.
For instance
Linking Words
, popular sportsmen
such
Linking Words
 as basketball players
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 leave their careers after getting hurt in their legs and hands.
Moreover
Linking Words
, as says the majority of coaches, workouts and physical well-being are closely related to each other.
Therefore
Linking Words
, having anatomical wellness is pretty important. Mental wellness is the main part of game participation.
Such
Linking Words
 as Critical thinking, making decisions under pressure , and analytical skills play a huge role in an athletic competition. Football players,
for example
Linking Words
, use their mental capabilities to outsmart the opposite player, to win the competition.
In addition
Linking Words
, I had an experience
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
basketball training
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
where I improved my critical thinking and decision-making under pressure.
Thus
Linking Words
, the mind's strength may significantly assist in creating a wide range of effective methods and tactics to win the game. To summarise what has been stated so far, sport is a double-edged sword, as both strengths are an essential part.
However
Linking Words
, in my point of view, mental health plays a better role, as it includes analytical skills and critical thinking, than physical wellness.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Structure your essay in a clear way. Start with a short opening that says what you will discuss and your view. Then two body parts for the two sides, and finish with a clear end that repeats your view.
grammar
Use simple and correct sentences. Fix errors like 'Since, most', 'as says', and 'I had an experience'.
coherence
Make ideas flow better. Use linking words such as 'also', 'but', 'for example' to join ideas.
content
Give more real and close examples that show how thinking or body work helps in sport.
grammar
Check spelling and marks. Use capital letters and proper spaces, especially around 'basketball training' and 'mental'.
task response
You show both sides and make your own mind clear at the end.
content
You use sport ideas and a small real example.
structure
You try to give a point and a few facts.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • physical conditioning
  • athleticism
  • physical training
  • muscle strength
  • mental resilience
  • psychological preparedness
  • mental toughness
  • confidence
  • precision
  • focus
  • mental strategies
  • mental fortitude
  • brute strength
What to do next:
Look at other essays: