Band 9: In the advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

In recent years, we

came

Wrong verb form

have come

show examples

face to face

Use synonyms

Change preposition

with advertisement

show examples

Fix the agreement mistake

advertisements

show examples

anywhere

Rephrase

everywhere

show examples

Linking Words

such

Punctuation problem

, such

show examples

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

social

platform

Fix the agreement mistake

platforms

show examples

or maybe

Change preposition

show examples

street

Correct article usage

the street

show examples

. Nowadays, businesses

useing

Correct your spelling

use

the promotion for

commerical

Correct your spelling

commercial

reason

Fix the agreement mistake

reasons

show examples

. In

this

Linking Words

essay will discuss

highlight

Correct word choice

and highlight

show examples

the

reason

Fix the agreement mistake

reasons

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

why

business

Fix the agreement mistake

businesses

show examples

want to do

Use synonyms

Replace the word

advertising

show examples

, in

Punctuation problem

. In

show examples

opinion

Punctuation problem

opinion,

show examples

this

Linking Words

ways positive

aspect

Fix the agreement mistake

aspects

show examples

outweigh the negative.

Firstly

Linking Words

, in

competitive

Correct article usage

a competitive

show examples

environment

Use synonyms

Punctuation problem

, advertisement

show examples

Fix the agreement mistake

advertisements

show examples

have

Verb problem

play

show examples

vital

Correct article usage

a vital

show examples

role for

profesional

Correct your spelling

professional

condition

Fix the agreement mistake

conditions

show examples

to stay alive and make

profit

Correct article usage

a profit

show examples

Main

Correct article usage

The main

show examples

reason for depending on

this

Linking Words

sector is, a lot of

business

Fix the agreement mistake

businesses

show examples

gain

Verb problem

make

show examples

money by selling

production

Replace the word

products

show examples

such

Linking Words

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

garment

Fix the agreement mistake

garments

show examples

or valuable

things

Check wording

items

show examples

and require

to introduce

Wrong verb form

introduction

show examples

market

Correct article usage

the market

show examples

Furthermore

Linking Words

, marketing can measure population

temp

Check wording

trends

show examples

, and roll out a production for them.

Fix capitalization

show examples

conclusion, every type of

entrepreneurs

Fix the agreement mistake

entrepreneur

show examples

businesses

Fix the agreement mistake

business

show examples

need

Correct subject-verb agreement

needs

show examples

Correct article usage

show examples

Use synonyms

for

Change preposition

show examples

live throughout their life till to

bankrupt

Replace the word

bankruptcy

show examples

. On

other

Correct article usage

the other

show examples

hand,

Use synonyms

Fix the agreement mistake

advertisements

show examples

have some negative and positive

aspect

Fix the agreement mistake

aspects

show examples

depend

Wrong verb form

depending

show examples

Correct article usage

the circumstance

show examples

circumstance

Fix the agreement mistake

circumstances

show examples

Linking Words

Punctuation problem

; however

show examples

however

Punctuation problem

however,

show examples

from my

prespective

Correct your spelling

perspective

positive

Correct article usage

the positive

show examples

aspect

Fix the agreement mistake

aspects

show examples

Verb problem

are more

show examples

significant

rather

Rephrase

apply

show examples

than

negative

Correct article usage

the negative

show examples

Primarily

Punctuation problem

Primarily,

show examples

Use synonyms

Fix the agreement mistake

advertisements

show examples

have some positive

inpact

Correct your spelling

impact

Linking Words

such

Punctuation problem

, such

show examples

can bring

Wrong verb form

bringing

show examples

great financial

implication

Fix the agreement mistake

implications

show examples

for a corporation.

Morevere

Correct your spelling

Moreover

can

Correct pronoun usage

it can

show examples

help to open the world and increase their money. In sharp contrast, undesirable

Use synonyms

Fix the agreement mistake

advertisements

show examples

can

Verb problem

apply

show examples

cause to

liquity

Correct your spelling

liquidity

of a company.

Nevertheless

Linking Words

Fix capitalization

show examples

was essential

for

Change preposition

show examples

make money continuously.

To conclude

Linking Words

, despite potential risks, advertising is essential for business survival and profit. Its power to connect products with consumers and generate revenue makes its benefits far more significant than its drawbacks in the commercial world.

sultanimanzade1

Aug 28, 2025

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language

Your essay has many grammar and word form errors. Try to fix basic mistakes and spell key words correctly.

coherence

Use simple links to show the order of ideas. Use first, next, also, and finally.

content

You give your view and some reason to support it.

content

You try to use both sides of the issue.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
72
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

237 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?
Employees should get more holidays during the week , and working days must be made shorter.I concur with that statement as I believe that individuals will become more and more productive, if they succeed in taking work as fun rather than seeing it as a burden.
6
band
A friend of yours is thinking of going on a camping holiday for the first time this summer.He/She has asked for your advice. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter Explain why you think your friend would enjoy a camping holiday Describe some possible disadvantages Say whether you would like to go camping with your friend this summer
Our city is hot and dry in summer. So our parents send us camping somewhere cool. My friend went camping for the first time. He is very interested in what kind of place the camp is. I told him about the events of the camp, for example, when I went last year, our teachers gave a real car to a boy who read a lot to make the children happy. My friend started reading as soon as he heard it and told me he was going to win a car at camp.
7
band
In many countries, the number of people choosing to live alone is increasing. What are the causes of this trend? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?
It is thought that nowadays a high volume of individuals tend to live in their own place rather than living with their nuclear families. Increasing use of technology and self-reliance are the main factors for this trend. Personally, I wholeheartedly believe it is impractical.
6
band
The movement of people from agricultural areas to big cities has caused many problems at both places. What are the reasons of this problem and how can it be solved?
The trend of urban people moving to big cities has increased recently. This phenomenon drives some issues for both parties. In this essay, I will explain the major reason for this issue and also provide some suggestions to solve this problem.
6
band
Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some people believe that governing bodies should give more attention to mitigate the problems of environmental pollution and solving housing problems to protect denizens from health issues. Personally, I wholeheartedly agree with this statement for the following reasons.

Band 9: In the advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

In many countries, the number of people choosing to live alone is increasing. What are the causes of this trend? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

The movement of people from agricultural areas to big cities has caused many problems at both places. What are the reasons of this problem and how can it be solved?

Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?