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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, a high proportion of criminal acts are committed by teenagers. Why has this happened? What can be done to deal with this?

These days, there has been a growing number of juvenile
delinquency
Fix the agreement mistake
delinquents
show examples
, causing serious consequences to society.
This
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 essay will explain the underlying reasons and propose practical solutions
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
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 issue.
To begin
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 with, one obvious cause is the development of technology. With the infinite access to social media, young people can easily
exposed
Verb problem
be exposed
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 to various types of information, including positive and negative things. As teenagers are not equipped with knowledge, they
feel
Verb problem
find it
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 hard to
recognize
Use the right word
recognise
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 whether it is right or wrong of the behaviour.
As a result
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, they mimic what they have seen without noticing the serious consequences to society.
Besides
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, parents and
school
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 play an important role in shaping children's manners.
In other words
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, teens tend to engage in
criminals
Fix the agreement mistake
criminal
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if
Check wording
behaviour if
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 they have horrifying experiences from family or
school
Use synonyms
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as child abuse, violence or bullying from an early age. To deal with
this
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 phenomenon, some measures should be taken into consideration.
Firstly
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, it is essential for parents or supervisors to take control of the information on the Internet. Adults should guide their kids to stay away from unreliable or toxic
piece
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pieces
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 of news because of
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
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 pessimistic results
to
Change preposition
on
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 a child's development.
Moreover
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, setting
time
Correct article usage
a time
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 limit for the most
common
Replace the word
commonly
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 used applications is another good way to reduce the risk of receiving bad news.
Secondly
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, the youth
shoul dbe
Correct your spelling
should be
 encouraged to take part in outdoor activities through
school
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 trips or family picnics. By doing that, they not only have time to explore fantastic fields but
also
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 have opportunities to strengthen their relationships with friends or family members.
Consequently
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, they stay away from
making
Verb problem
doing
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 bad things or
harm
Wrong verb form
harming
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 the
environmnet
Correct your spelling
environment
. In conclusion, the appearance of technology and ineffective education from family and
school
Use synonyms
 are the two main factors leading to commit criminals in youngsters.
However
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, with stricter observation and an increase in the number of open-air recreations,
this
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 problem will be tackled as soon as possible.

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structure
Plan your essay with four clear parts: intro, two to three reasons, two to three fixes, and a short end.
content
Be clear about the cause and the fix. Use one idea per sentence.
coherence
Link ideas with easy words like and, also, but, so, for this reason.
grammar
Check grammar and spell common mistakes and use the simple form.
content
Give a real example if you can, to make the idea strong.
vocabulary
Keep words in simple, common use. Avoid hard words.
structure
Intro and conclusion are in place.
content
The write shows reason and fix.
coherence
Uses link to tech and family as big ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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