IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The amount of money that a children’s charity located in the USA spent and received in one year, 2016 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevan

The pie charts illustrate the
income
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 sources and
expenditure
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 distribution of a children’s charity in the United States in 2016.
Overall
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, the charity’s
revenue
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 mainly came from donated food,
while
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program
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 services consumed the majority of its spending.
Although
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 the total
income
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 slightly exceeded the total
expenditure
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, the financial balance remained marginal. In terms of
income
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, the largest proportion was donated food, accounting for approximately 86% of the total
revenue
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. Community contributions represented the second largest source at about 10%.
Program
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revenue
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, government grants, and other sources made up relatively small proportions, at around 2%, 2%, and 1% respectively. Turning to
expenditure
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,
program
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 services dominated the spending, with nearly 96% of the total outflow directed to
this
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 area. In comparison, fundraising activities accounted for about 2%,
while
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 management and general costs represented another 2%. Interestingly, the charity’s
overall
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revenue
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 stood at roughly $51.5 billion,
while
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 its
expenditure
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 was about $50.4 billion, leaving a slight surplus of just over $1 billion.
This
Linking Words
 indicates that
although
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 the
organization
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organisation
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 relied heavily on donated food as
income
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, the funds were overwhelmingly spent on
program
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 services, reflecting its primary mission.

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task
What you did well: The essay names the main parts of the chart and gives data with numbers. It uses a clear order: overview, income details, then spend details, and then the total.
task
How to make it stronger: Add one line at the start to sum up the big idea, then use that line to compare income and spend. Check that all numbers stay the same in your text and use small rounding, not many digits.
coherence
Coherence tips: Use clear links between parts, like 'in addition', 'however', 'as a result'. Break long sentences into two to keep them easy to read. Make sure each paragraph has one main idea.
strength
Clear overall view of both income and spend.
strength
Good use of numbers to back up the points.
strength
Good movement from income to spend with a specific phrase 'Turning to expenditure'.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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