IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There is a considerable debate over the topic
whether
Change preposition
of whether
show examples
 it is beneficial for
people
Use synonyms
 to compete with others in every dimension of their social life or just to
work
Use synonyms
 as a
team
Use synonyms
. As far as I am concerned, both views hold their advantages and
limitaions
Correct your spelling
limitations
. To grow into a good member of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society,
people
Use synonyms
 should combine these two methods. On
one
Use synonyms
 hand, rivalry is everywhere in
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
wolrd
Correct your spelling
world
 and it can definitely contribute to the building of personal development for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals. Driven by
competitions
Fix the agreement mistake
competition
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
woud
Correct your spelling
would
 be motivated to
work
Use synonyms
 harder and
strike
Use the right word
strive
show examples
 for success in their positions. For
examples
Fix the agreement mistake
example
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,
competions
Correct your spelling
competitions
 among single
salesperson
Fix the agreement mistake
salespeople
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 a common way in many financial companies because the employees are
eaily
Correct your spelling
easily
 encouraged to boost their sales in wanting
for
Change preposition
to
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 higher bonus. As they reach their goals, they master professional skills and accumulate client resources.
Besides
Linking Words
, to avoid the waste of limited time and
intelligent
Correct word choice
intellectual
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source
Use the right word
resources
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 that a single person can own,
people
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 would always
work
Use synonyms
 with greater efficiency. But always competing with
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 can
also
Linking Words
 add pressure and create the fear of failure since they usually cannot
bare
Verb problem
bear
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 to pay the price of losing the game. Cooperation works effectively
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 fostering individuals to be qualified social members. Working in teams can help social member to form their social skills,
such
Linking Words
 as communication skills and leadership, which can
then
Linking Words
 assist them to fit in the community. What's more, cooperation builds trust between
team
Use synonyms
 members, giving them a sense of
belongs
Replace the word
belonging
show examples
 and stronger personal identities. These will later reward them
as
Change preposition
with
show examples
 higher emotional maturity and mental well-being. Take insurance companies as an example: to sign
bigger
Correct article usage
a bigger
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 contract, they often
work
Use synonyms
 in small teams to meet their targets and share the bonus. The scheme
is
Wrong verb form
has been
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proved
Use the right word
proven
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 to be useful for the
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
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 would usually experience several
failure
Fix the agreement mistake
failures
show examples
 when
negociating
Correct your spelling
negotiating
 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
customers, and
this
Linking Words
 is when their
team
Use synonyms
 can support each other practically and
emotiionally
Correct your spelling
emotionally
 to get by. In conclusion, no
one
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society can lead a competitive lifestyle all the time, and no
one
Use synonyms
 can be dependent
to realize
Change preposition
on realising
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 their personal value. To be an individual who knows how to win the contest
as well as
Linking Words
work
Use synonyms
 as part of the
Use synonyms
team
Punctuation problem
team,
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share
Correct subject-verb agreement
shares
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 the identical importance that
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
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 to
one
Use synonyms
's final success.

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task
Be clear about what you think early in the essay and keep that view in all your points.
task
Give a strong example for each point you make.
grammar
Spell words the right way and fix word form.
cohesion
Use simple join links to move from one part to the next.
idea
You show a true view on the topic and you give both sides.
example
You give use of idea of team work in work life.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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