IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however, think that these are necessary for individuals and the society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

With
celebrations
Use synonyms
 requiring extensive financial support, many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it is a waste of
money
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,
while
Linking Words
 others see it as a necessity for both individuals and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
Although
Linking Words
celebrations
Use synonyms
 are important as a
way
Use synonyms
 to be connected with
families
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 and friends,
such
Linking Words
 enormous spending
instead
Linking Words
 represents financial illiteracy and should be rationally controlled.
Celebrations
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
wedding
Fix the agreement mistake
weddings
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 and birthday parties are less about personal accomplishments and more about family recognition and support. These events usually aim not just to mark a life achievement, but rather to celebrate and spend
lovely
Correct article usage
a lovely
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 time with close
people
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.
This
Linking Words
 is a great
way
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 to stay in touch with family members, commonly known
for
Change preposition
in
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 societies as a "tradition".
For example
Linking Words
, in Kazakhstan, weddings are not only an event to celebrate the beginning of a new family, but
also
Linking Words
 a
way
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 to get acquainted with
families
Use synonyms
 from both sides and to meet with distant relatives.
However
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 believe that the celebration is an opportunity to demonstrate the financial state of
families
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. They spend enormous amounts of
money
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 just to create a false image of financial stability by borrowing loans from banks.
This
Linking Words
 tendency should definitely be eliminated
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it has already been accomplished by young individuals.
For instance
Linking Words
, many couples have stopped
organizing
Use the right word
organising
show examples
 extravagant wedding ceremonies in expensive restaurants
choosing
Punctuation problem
, choosing
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 their homes
instead
Linking Words
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, in the modern
era
Punctuation problem
era,
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 more
people
Use synonyms
 have started to acquire financial literacy but not
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
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money
Use synonyms
 on unnecessary impressions. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
celebrations
Use synonyms
 should be continued because it is a great
way
Use synonyms
 to stay in touch with
families
Use synonyms
 by sharing pleasurable memories with
closed
Replace the word
close
show examples
 ones, I fairly believe that a tradition of spending high amounts of
money
Use synonyms
 should be abolished because it may demonstrate an inaccurate image of wealth.

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structure
Plan your answer with 2 or 3 clear ideas in each paragraph and say your view in the intro and again in the conclusion.
coherence
Use simple links to show how one idea leads to the next.
examples
Explain each example a bit and show how it backs your view.
grammar
Check for small grammar and word use mistakes.
task response
The writer shows a clear view on both sides and gives a straight opinion.
coherence
The order of the parts is easy to follow.
example
An example from life is used (Kazakhstan).

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • extravagant
  • frivolous
  • lavish
  • unnecessary
  • excessive
  • consumerism
  • unrealistic
  • social bonds
  • milestones
  • local businesses
  • celebrate
  • memorable
  • nostalgic
  • cherish
  • community
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