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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the spending by 18-20 years olds in one country on five different products in 2010 and 2014. Provide an overview on the information by identifying and describing the key details and include comparisons where appropriate

The chart below shows the spending by 18-20 years olds in one country on five different products in 2010 and 2014. Provide an overview on the information by identifying and describing the key details and include comparisons where appropriate
The given bar chart compares
18
Correct article usage
the 18
show examples
-20 category pupils how much expenditure on five main areas of
food
Use synonyms
,
clothes
Use synonyms
,
books
Use synonyms
,
snarpgones
Correct your spelling
snacks
 and
tolletries
Correct your spelling
toiletries
 consumption across the years 2010 and 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
, allocate
consistenly
Correct your spelling
consistently
 accounted for the
larget
Use the right word
largest
show examples
 share of
food
Use synonyms
consume
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
books
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the least significant category. Spending on
food
Use synonyms
 , smartphones and
tollectries
Correct your spelling
toiletries
 increased over time,
whereas
Linking Words
clothes
Use synonyms
 stayed constant,
also
Linking Words
books
Use synonyms
 declined slightly. The highest area of
invest
Replace the word
investment
show examples
 is
food
Use synonyms
 type
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 was significantly taller than those for other sections.
Clothes
Use synonyms
 bars are nearly the same height for both years. Indicating little variation in
tollectries
Fix capitalization
Tollectries
show examples
 group.
Food
Use synonyms
 was the
dominat
Correct your spelling
dominant
and
Check wording
category and
show examples
books
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the minor categories. Another way to interpret the chart is by
compating
Correct your spelling
comparing
 the usage of each class relative to the total
consume
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
.
Food
Use synonyms
 was the most prevalent genre, making up about 3300 in 2010 to 4400 in 2014. People using smartphones
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
steady increase
Replace the word
steadily increased
show examples
 from 2000 to roughly 28000.
Whereas
Linking Words
clothes
Use synonyms
 remained constant at around 2500 in both years.
Books
Use synonyms
 stayed at the lowest level and fell slightly, dropping from 1000 in 2010 to 500 in 2014. Tollectries were
Moderate
Replace the word
moderately
show examples
 rose ,climbing from nearly 1800 in 2010 to 2000 in 2014.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words food, clothes, books with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stayed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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