IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Higher education seems to have been universalized as more and more people have the chance to pursue it. While some welcome this emerging change, others raise concerns over some unexpected consequences. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Many individuals argue about
Correct article usage
the popularization
show examples
popularization
Replace the word
popularisation
show examples
 of higher
education
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
someone
Use the right word
some
show examples
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
show examples
 that
this
Linking Words
 can
cause
Use synonyms
 some consequences,
otherwise
Linking Words
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
show examples
 that
this
Linking Words
 is a good trend. In my view
Linking Words
this
Punctuation problem
, this
show examples
 trend
more
Verb problem
is more
show examples
 bad than good for reasons which I will outline in the following essay. On the
on
Use the right word
one
show examples
 hand, a lot of
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
 with
high
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 can
add
Verb problem
provide
show examples
work
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
for people
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
differents
Use the right word
different
show examples
 spheres, but
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 would not be enough
Use synonyms
work places
Use the right word
workplaces
show examples
 for them.
This
Linking Words
 problem can
cause
Use synonyms
 joblessness among citizens.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Ukraine and other poor countries, it is very popular to attend university, but after graduation, people usually do not
work
Use synonyms
 in their chosen field,
judges
Check wording
but instead
show examples
 as baristas
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 doctors as managers.
This
Linking Words
trendency
Correct your spelling
trend
 causes the devaluation of
education
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if
education
Use synonyms
will be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 only for the chosen
Fix the agreement mistake
ones
show examples
one
Punctuation problem
one,
show examples
 it will be harder to choose the best workers,
due to
Linking Words
they
Use the right word
the
show examples
 limited quantity. When their amount is
Correct article usage
a thousand
show examples
thousand
Punctuation problem
thousand,
show examples
 you can choose the best one, which can fit
ideal
Replace the word
ideally
show examples
 for your group, but sometimes you should keep a lazy and a poor professional because of his rarity.
For example
Linking Words
, my
cousins
Check wording
cousin's
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 is rare
he
Punctuation problem
; he
show examples
 is working in the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 he
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
 quit it, because they can not find him replacement.
This
Linking Words
Use synonyms
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 some
troubles
Fix the agreement mistake
trouble
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 people with unique jobs. In conclusion, I believe that
education
Use synonyms
 should be easily accessible, but should not be mandatory for everyone
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 in fact can
cause
Use synonyms
 problems
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. The main problem is oversupply of workers or,
conversely
Linking Words
, insufficient supply, so it is important to find a happy medium.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

weakness
You state a view and try to talk about both sides, but the answer is not clear and full. It does not fully meet the task.
improvement
Make a clear plan. In the intro, state your view. In the body, give two or three main points with reasons and some examples. End with a clear conclusion that repeats your view.
improvement
Make ideas flow. Use linking words like first, also, but, so. Start each paragraph with a clear idea.
improvement
Use simple examples that fit your point. Show how the idea works in real life.
strength
There is a clear view and a sense of two sides being discussed.
strength
The essay has an ending that states a view.
strength
Some examples show real places or facts.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: