IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, there is some belief that if sweet
products
Use synonyms
 which cause
Correct article usage
a negetive
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negetive
Correct your spelling
negative
 impact
to
Change preposition
on
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peoples'
Check wording
people's
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health
Use synonyms
 become more costly, the
consumpsion
Correct your spelling
consumption
 rate might
be
Verb problem
apply
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decrease. In my opinion, I partly agree
to
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with
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this
Linking Words
 statement
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 I will examine the views and my opinion in
this
Linking Words
 essay. On the one hand, it is true that the number of
foods
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 and beverages might be dropped as their prices are increased because demands
of
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for
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 goods rely on their prices. When
people
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 consider the higher
price
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 of desserts or sweet drinks and
therefore
Linking Words
 they are discouraged
to buy
Change preposition
from buying
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 the
products
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.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
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 consume less
sugar
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is a major reason leading to many
health
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 problems
such
Linking Words
 as obesity, cancers, and diabetes.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
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foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
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 and
beverages
Fix the agreement mistake
beverage
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 producers have to decrease
quantities
Correct article usage
the quantities
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 of
sugar
Use synonyms
 in their
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 in order to manage their
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
. If their
products
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 contain
high cost
Use the right word
high-cost
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 ingredients, it will affect
to
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apply
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their
figures
Check wording
sales figures
show examples
 of selling and it may have
Correct article usage
a negetive
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negetive
Correct your spelling
negative
 impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their business.
Hence
Linking Words
,
foods
Use synonyms
 and drinks have
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
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 level of
sugar
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,
people
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 tend to have inevitably lower
sugar
Use synonyms
 intake and become more familiar with
low sweet
Correct word choice
low-sugar
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foods
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.
Consequently
Linking Words
, consumers would choose
health
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 food more and more.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
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 still have demands for sugary
foods
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whether
Punctuation problem
, whether
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 the prices are high or remain the same. The
fist
Use the right word
first
show examples
 reason is
because
Change preposition
that
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 youth still have to consume
sugar
Use synonyms
 because
sugar
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 is a
nutrition
Replace the word
nutrient
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 that
generate
Correct subject-verb agreement
generates
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 energy
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is significant for their growth.
Hence
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, making
sugar
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as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
an
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 expensive
ingredients
Fix the agreement mistake
ingredient
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 may
causes
Wrong verb form
cause
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 other problems.
For instance
Linking Words
, in
poor
Correct article usage
a poor
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 family, the kids may become easily
fatique
Correct your spelling
fatigued
 because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of
high energy
Use the right word
high-energy
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foods
Use synonyms
.
In addition
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, it is undeniable that sugary
products
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 play an important part
of
Change preposition
in
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 many cultures
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
chocolate
Correct article usage
a chocolate
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 gift for Valentine,
birthday
Correct article usage
a birthday
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 cake, or
mooncake
Correct article usage
a mooncake
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 for
full
Correct article usage
a full
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 moon event. So,
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
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price
Use synonyms
 may result in
people
Use synonyms
's expenditure and still have no impact
for
Change preposition
on
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 better
health
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.
Lastly
Linking Words
, several
people
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 have
sweet
Correct article usage
a sweet
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tooths
Correct subject-verb agreement
tooth
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 and they need sugary
products
Use synonyms
 for their enjoyable life. Even though they already recognise how negative consequences to their
health
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 if they consume
sugar
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, they have
right
Correct article usage
the right
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 to be happy by eating
sugar
Use synonyms
. Those reasons convince me that the
price
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 of
product
Correct article usage
the product
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not
Verb problem
is not
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 only unnecessary for some customers, but
also
Linking Words
being
Verb problem
apply
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an
obstracle
Correct your spelling
obstacle
 for them. In conclusion, I agree that raising
Use synonyms
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 in sugary
products
Use synonyms
 is a factor that may influent
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
customers
Check wording
customers'
show examples
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
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 whether they would buy the product or not.
However
Linking Words
, I do not think
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
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price
Use synonyms
 can be a panacea that can completely cure the problem because there are other
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
encourage
Correct pronoun usage
that encourage
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 them to buy the goods
including
Punctuation problem
, including
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children
Check wording
children's
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 needs, their culture and their personal preferences.

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task
Be clear on your view. State if you agree or partly agree at the start and keep this view in all your points.
structure
Give one main idea per paragraph. Begin each paragraph with a topic sentence and keep to it.
grammar
Use simple and direct sentences. Break long lines into two to three shorter ones.
content
Give a clear example for each main idea. Use short one or two sentence examples.
structure
There is a clear plan with an intro, two body parts and a conclusion.
coherence
The writer uses linking phrases to show compare or contrast.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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