IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Humans are sleeping less these days in comparison to earlier years. There could be several reasons for this.

Humans are sleeping less these days in comparison to earlier years. There could be several reasons for
this
Linking Words
. One main reason is
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
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 lifestyle. In our
society
Add a comma
society,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 are working hard and even bring their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 home.
Due to
Linking Words
 it,
people
Use synonyms
 go to bed very late. In
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 world where technology is improving
widespread
Replace the word
widely
show examples
 day by
day
Punctuation problem
day,
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 that possibly can be the crucial reason for lack of
sleeping
Replace the word
sleep
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, among the youngsters who often spend hours on social media, watching movies or games
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
is leading
Wrong verb form
leads
show examples
 to addiction and unconsciousness of time being passed. Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 are possessed with the idea of money, jobs and
studies
Punctuation problem
studies,
show examples
thus
Linking Words
 the quality of life is stressful.
According to
Linking Words
 it, it is challenging to relax and fall asleep deeply. Not getting enough sleep has many negative consequences. First of all,
people
Use synonyms
 feel tired and cannot focus on their work and education
Linking Words
therefore
Punctuation problem
, therefore
show examples
 can be
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 reason
of
Change preposition
for
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 low job performance.
In addition
Linking Words
, insomnia may cause health problems
such
Linking Words
 as headaches, depression and even heart problems. And at
last
Linking Words
, it influences
people
Use synonyms
 around them. An overwhelmed person is able to get furious easily , be impatient or
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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conflict
Fix the agreement mistake
conflicts
show examples
 with family members and colleagues. In conclusion, the habit of sleeping less has become a common problem in modern society.
While
Linking Words
 it may seem normal because everyone is busy or connected to technology, the long-term effects are harmful. In my view,
people
Use synonyms
 need to value sleep the same way they value work or study, because without enough
rest
Punctuation problem
rest,
show examples
 it is hard to stay healthy, productive, and have good relationships with others.

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structure
Plan your essay with a clear plan: a short intro, two or three ideas in body para, and a short end.
coherence
Put one main idea in each body para and make a short topic sentence for it.
coherence
Use simple links to show the flow: also, but, because, so, first, next, finally.
support
Give one or two real examples to back your point. This helps the reader see your view.
grammar
Check the grammar and short form of long text. Break long lines into two to three parts.
strength
The writing has a clear idea on sleep and its bad effect.
structure
There is an intro, a body and a close here, so form is good.
coherence
Links are used to tie ideas at times.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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