IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Often new commercial centres are planed with respect to green areas and sport facilities. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Why?

People have different views about plans
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 green
areas
Use synonyms
 and
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 facilities in new commercial centres.
Although
Linking Words
 some people believe that these kinds of programs are not useful, I
support
Verb problem
believe
show examples
 that commercial
Use synonyms
centers
Use the right word
centres
show examples
 should build more of them. On one hand, compared with sales
areas
Use synonyms
, non-profit
areas
Use synonyms
 are not able to profit directly.
Moreover
Linking Words
, non-profit
areas
Use synonyms
 need human and financial resources to
maintain
Wrong verb form
be maintained
show examples
 constantly.
Consequently
Linking Words
, a bunch of businessmen consider
setting
Correct word choice
that setting
show examples
non-profit
Change preposition
up non-profit
show examples
areas
Use synonyms
 runs counter to the principle
that
Change preposition
of
show examples
maximizing
Use the right word
maximising
show examples
 benefits.
For example
Linking Words
, some department stores, which are located in
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
 town
center
Use the right word
centre
show examples
, do not have enough space for
expanding
Replace the word
expansion
show examples
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, taking care
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 plants means hiring more people, leading them to choose not to set
non-profit
Change preposition
up non-profit
show examples
areas
Use synonyms
. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
, more and more property developers have
realized
Use the right word
realised
show examples
 the significance of non-profit
areas
Use synonyms
, and plan similar
section
Fix the agreement mistake
sections
show examples
 in their shopping malls. No matter
from
Change preposition
whether from
show examples
 the
requirement
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
show examples
 of entrepreneurs themselves
of
Use the right word
or
show examples
 from the demands of vast citizens, it is an advisable selection.
Firstly
Linking Words
, non-profit sections are able to boost the benefits for shopping
Use synonyms
centers
Use the right word
centres
show examples
 by improving
shopping
Correct article usage
the shopping
show examples
 environment and attracting more customers.
Areas
Use synonyms
 like trees cheer customers up
latently
Replace the word
naturally
show examples
; in
this
Linking Words
 way, it can provide a desirable shopping atmosphere.
Also
Linking Words
,
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 facilities
render
Verb problem
attract
show examples
 more
persons
Check wording
people
show examples
 who may be
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
potential
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
show examples
 to come.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the wide
show examples
wide
Correct word choice
wider
show examples
 publics take delight in spotting non-profit
areas
Use synonyms
planning
Wrong verb form
planned
show examples
 in shopping malls. These
areas
Use synonyms
 are constructed for the sake of their benefits and cost them nothing.
Linking Words
Hence
Punctuation problem
Hence,
show examples
 shopping
Use synonyms
centers
Use the right word
centres
show examples
Linking Words
also can
Correct word order
can also
show examples
 win their appreciation and enjoy a greater business image. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 some businessmen think that establishing
non-profits
Fix the agreement mistake
non-profit
show examples
areas
Use synonyms
 is unnecessary and
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
, I firmly believe that
build
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
 more
non-profits
Fix the agreement mistake
non-profit
show examples
areas
Use synonyms
 can attract more visitors and potential customers.
Therefore
Linking Words
, commercial
Use synonyms
centers
Use the right word
centres
show examples
 should plan these types of
areas
Use synonyms
 before it is built.

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Task Response
State your view clearly in the first part. A clear yes or no helps the score.
Coherence and Cohesion
Tell more in a simple, straight line. Add one idea per sentence. Use simple link words to show flow.
Grammar
Fix big grammar points: 'On the other hands' -> 'On the other hand'; 'non-profit areas' is not the same as green spaces; be careful with word choice.
Strength
The writer takes a clear view and ends with a strong conclusion.
Strength
There are good ideas about how green areas and sport spots can draw more people to a mall.
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