IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the percentage of part-time workers in each country of the United Kingdom in 1980 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given bar graph shows the
rate
Use synonyms
 of part-time employees in four different parts of the UK from 1980 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, except for the
workers
Use synonyms
 of Northern Ireland, all the people of other countries have shown a rise in the
rate
Use synonyms
 of their work as time continues.
Also
Linking Words
, Wales and
England
Use synonyms
 have the most active part-time
workers
Use synonyms
 in both eras. The graph clearly depicts that in 1980, nearly 25% of people worked in
England
Use synonyms
 as part-time
workers
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
manpower
Correct article usage
the manpower
show examples
 in
whales
Use the right word
Wales
show examples
 is about 8% higher than that in
England
Use synonyms
. After 30 years,
England
Use synonyms
 shows a greater rise in the
rate
Use synonyms
 of
workers
Use synonyms
 than that in
Whales
Use the right word
Wales
show examples
. But the
overall
Linking Words
 percentage of employees in 2010 still seems to be higher in Wales.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Scotland has the lowest
rate
Use synonyms
 of part-time
workers
Use synonyms
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 just about 11%
while
Linking Words
 Northern Ireland exceeds more than that in the starting year. As time passes by, the percentage of
workers
Use synonyms
 decreases in Northern Ireland
Linking Words
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 contrast
increases
Fix the agreement mistake
increase
show examples
 twice as that in 1980 in Scotland.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words rate, workers, england with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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