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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The data illustrates the proportion of qualifications awarded in three different fields at the National University over a specified period.

The data illustrates the proportion of qualifications awarded in three different fields at the National University over a specified period.
Overall
Linking Words
, the computer science field was the most popular among students compared to the others throughout the three years. As observed, the percentage of diplomas awarded in computer science steadily increased from 30% in 1990 to 40% in 2000, reaching 45% by 2010.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the proportion of business qualifications declined from 30% to 15% during the same period. Medicine maintained a moderate rate, just under one-third
between
Punctuation problem
, between
show examples
 1990 and 2000, before dropping to 25% in 2010. Law degrees experienced a similar decline, falling from a slight majority to 10%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, business, law, and medicine saw minor fluctuations of about 5-10%,
while
Linking Words
 computer science showed significant growth throughout the period.

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coherence
Add a short plan in the intro and end with a brief wrap up.
grammar
Check grammar with 'data' as a plural noun; use 'the data show' or 'the data shows' so it agrees with the verb.
lexical resource
Be careful with word choice; use simple, clear words like 'field', 'degree', 'course' instead of more fancy words.
coherence
Make the main points clear and repeat the key trend for each field with simple link words like 'but', 'however', 'and' to join ideas.
task response
Use more exact figures or keep consistent with the years you mention; this helps accuracy.
task response
Clear lead with the CS trend as the most common field.
coherence
Good use of year points (1990, 2000, 2010) to show change.
coherence
Logical order from intro to details.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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